To Mourn a Phoenix
by PartyPanda
Summary: "You see, Daryl, the trick to loyalty is offering a combination of the carrot and the stick. And with 'stick' I mean 'baseball bat' and with 'carrot' I mean 'psychotropic drugs'." Negan takes his psychological warfare to a new level in order to break Daryl, but for Daryl it might be the best kind of torture in the end. Starts from around the end of 7x10. Rated T for language.
1. Prologue

**A/N: _I'm trying to keep the author's notes to a minimum, as I'll hope you'll enjoy reading the story and I don't want to distract you too much. I just want to say thank you for reading and let me know what you think, if you can find the time for it. Reviews are very much appreciated. I've tried my best to rid this story of spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, but I apologize for the ones that are surely still left. I've written this story because I really enjoyed the chemistry between Beth and Daryl and I feel that the writers made a mistake by not exploring that relationship further. You may notice that some of the chapters are referring to the five stages of grief. I know they aren't in the right order, but the research has shown that the stages of grief present themselves differently to each individual. This is just what I thought Daryl's process might be like._**

 ** _The story is rated T because of language and I guess 'dark themes' if you're really sensitive. Hope you'll enjoy! - PartyPanda._**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead, nor any of the characters.**

 **Summary:**

 _You see, Daryl" Negan said leisurely, "the trick to loyalty is offering a combination of the carrot and the stick …"_

 _He looked straight into Daryl's eyes, all the amusement gone from his face._

 _"And with 'stick' I mean 'baseball bat', and with 'carrot' I mean 'psychotropic drugs'."_

Daryl escaped before Negan could break him – and that pisses Negan off. But then, just as Daryl is trying to cope with all his unresolved grief, Negan finds a way to take his psychological warfare to a whole new level. In the end, it proves to be the best kind of torture for Daryl. Starts from around the end of 7x10.

 **Prologue:**

He slammed the door shut to alert her he was home, then sat down on the couch with his laptop, cranking up the volume to watch the footage of his team's latest game. He barely acknowledged her presence as she entered the living room, throwing him a defiant look.

"Enough is enough" she stated.

He purposely chose not to pay attention to her but kept scribbling down notes on his pad as he paused and played the video.

"I'm done with this. I'm done with your attitude, your manipulation. I'm done with the problems you cause and always blaming your childhood, or your colleagues, or me!" she nearly shouted, getting worked up.

He sighed and paused the game. He repressed the urge to fight her and humiliate her. She continued.

"You're a grown man, and _you_ are ruining the life of everyone around you. If you want to have any people at all to care about you, you need to take responsibility of your own life."

"Let's not be so dramatic. You know I want you by my side" he answered sweetly. The fire in her eyes didn't die this time though, like he had expected it to.

"Then get help" she said. "I found this private clinic outside Richmond where no one will know you. You check in there and don't come back until you've dealt with your issues, or you can sign the divorce papers right now."

She threw two folders on the coffee table; one containing legal documents, the other containing a brochure and some forms from the 'Appalachia Psychiatric Hospital'.

He felt annoyed and though he didn't want to, he knew he should make an effort to smooth things over now, or have a lot more work later. Against his better judgment, he threw her an amused look.

Angry tears brimmed in her eyes.

"Joke all you want, go on, mock me! But I'm done with you, and I take great comfort in knowing that I'll be rid of you for good when I die. Heaven holds no place for monsters like you."

With one last pointed look, she turned around and stormed off.

"Lucille...!" he weakly called out after her but the sound of the front door slamming shut let him know it was too late and he realized that this time he may need to actually change his ways if he wanted her to stick around.


	2. Chapter 1: Anger

_When I run out of air to breathe_

 _It's your ghost I see_

 _I'll be thinking about you_

 _About you_

 _'Cause it was almost love, it was almost love_

 _It was almost love, it was almost love_

 _(From: Rag'n'Bone Man - Skin)_

 **Chapter one:** _ **Anger**_

These days, the anger that had always been a part of him raced through his veins All. The. _Fucking._ Time. It had built up gradually, but he had managed to fight it and save the inner peace he had found during his time with the group. That was, until he was lined up with his friends by the same man he had rescued just weeks before, and had to watch a madman beating two of his friends to a pulp. The anger wiped away all the peace and tranquility inside him and left him nothing but restlessness and discomfort.

It took Daryl everything he had to stay sane during his captivity and the torture he had to undergo. The only way he knew how to deal with it was to channel all his despair, fear, sadness, shame and disgust into anger, focusing on one goal only: To stay alive and sane to kill Negan when the time came.

And then, out of nowhere, Daryl had managed to escape. So now he was walking around a settlement where he was supposedly safe from Saviors, looking at the peaceful, fairytale community and he had no idea what to do with all his anger.

He hadn't wanted to defy Rick, or to seem ungrateful to Ezekiel for letting him stay, but at this point, his anger was what kept him together and the lack of action made him go out of his mind. And then when _finally_ someone else couldn't sit still any longer, the guy was planning on getting Carol killed.

When he saw Carol again, the anger gave way to grief and happiness for a little while. He had been angry at her too, for leaving him. But he found that with his anger towards Negan, Dwight, Ezekiel, and mostly himself, there just wasn't enough room for anger towards Carol as well.

She wasn't angry, not anymore. She was just sad and was trying to cope with it in her own way. The only problem was that sadness generally didn't spur people into action. Carol wanted to be left out of it. Daryl knew if he told her about the way Negan killed Glenn and Abraham, about the things he had done to him, Carol would be angry enough to fight at the front line, but he also knew the anger would destroy her as it was already destroying him. So he kept his mouth shut about the horrors that replayed over and over in his mind and let her live in relative peace for a little longer. If ever anyone deserved it, it was her.

Later, he sat down besides Shiva, envying her ability to stay calm while being kept in a cage. Then as he spoke to Morgan, he knew he couldn't stay here any longer. He needed to do something. So the next morning, he left. Escaped again and went looking for the place people called the Hilltop.

* * *

He felt a little more at ease as he crept around on his own, no one to worry about but himself and no one to disturb him. Surviving out in the wild always calmed him down at bit. There was nobody to disappoint him and nobody he would disappoint. The rage that had clouded his mind dissipated a bit and he felt more like himself again.

Expertly, he avoided being seen by the groups of Saviors, their blunt show of force no match for his tracking and hiding skills. It took him all he had not to engage them in a fight, but he couldn't alert Negan of his whereabouts.

Later, he finally walked up to the settlement on the top of a hill and figured he had arrived at his destination. He hoped to find that guy Jesus there. He seemed like a decent and, most importantly, capable guy. He could use someone like that if he was going to kill Negan any time soon.

Any other time, there would be no doubt in his mind that Rick would have his back, but Rick seemed to be dealing with emotions of his own – fear mostly – that made him weak and scared and unable to deal with the situation the way Daryl wanted to.

Daryl neared the gates, feeling more uncomfortable with every step he took. He wasn't good with new people, always made a terrible first impression no matter how he wished he wouldn't. He wasn't charismatic as Rick or calm and sensible as Glenn had been, didn't know how to make people feel at ease as Carol always could. He was awkward, maladjusted and undiplomatic. Besides, he liked to see which way the wind blew before deciding his actions. No chance of that now.

"I'm lookin' for Jesus" he shouted to the watchmen at the gate.

They opened up and with a little hesitation, Daryl stepped inside.

Not sure what to do, he fumbled with the strap of his bow and looked around. Then, he heard a familiar voice that made his heart sink and made him want to turn around and run.

"Daryl?"

She sounded almost hopeful.

Fighting his instincts to bolt, to avoid this painful confrontation, he turned to face her.

"It _is_ you" Maggie breathed in relief and jogged up to him, wasting no moment to hug him close.

Daryl stiffened. He didn't do well with human touch on a normal day, but her hugs reminded him of her sister's and that reminded him of how one way or another, he had caused the death of everyone she loved. The guilt weighed too heavy on his shoulders to lift his arms and return the hug. Maggie released him, concern in her eyes.

"What happened to you?" she asked, and the lack of reproach in her voice made him cast his eyes down.

"I…" he started but couldn't finish. He shifted his weight uncomfortably and looked around, noticing everyone staring at him.

"C'mon" Maggie said and motioned for him to follow her. He noticed her baby bump hadn't grown much since he last saw her and already worried if something was wrong, but then again he knew next to nothing about pregnancy so he decided not to ask her about it.

* * *

They walked into a trailer – Maggie's trailer it seemed – and she sat down on her bed. He took a seat on the small couch opposite to her, putting his stuff on the ground.

She stared at him for a little while, the no-nonsense look she now sported more often right in place. Daryl squirmed under her gaze, fumbling with his hands, not knowing where to look, until he couldn't take it no more.

"… 'M sorry" he muttered and couldn't hold back a sob. "I'm sorry!"

He cried and buried his face in his hands, willing himself to calm down. Maggie's eyes misted over and she came to sit next to him on the couch, putting her arms around his shoulders.

"It's not your fault" she said and two tears escaped her eyes. They cried together, while she rocked him gently. "It's not your fault" she repeated again. "He did this."

Daryl nodded and finally felt able to stop crying. He blew his nose loudly on his red bandana and rubbed his face, willing the signs of his temporary weakness to go away.

Maggie offered him some water, and while he had a bitchin' headache, he declined. As a pregnant woman, she needed it more than him.

He got up suddenly, pacing the four feet of space in the small trailer, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

Maggie watched him closely.

"I'm glad your safe Daryl. What happened?"

"I escaped" he grunted, a little harsher than he had intended.

Maggie didn't pay any attention to his tone.

"But then they'll come looking for you."

Daryl just hummed.

"You have to get somewhere safe, Daryl, who knows what they'll do to you once they find you" Maggie said, fear lacing her words.

"I won't let them" he stated loudly, but felt unable to keep looking her in the eye. He fumbled with the top of his new bow, leaning against the table as Maggie spoke.

"Daryl please" she begged. "You have to take care of yourself. I can't begin to understand what it was like when they captured you. And I know you want to avenge Glenn and Abraham. You know I do too. But we can't do anything rash or foolish now…"

"Well we have to start doin' _somethin'_!" he shouted and the sudden outburst of anger surprised even him.

"I can't… I can't sit around and do nothin'" he said in a softer voice.

A frown had appeared on Maggie's face, but it didn't seem to be scolding, rather concerned.

"Daryl, ya need to rest. You should stay here for the night; the Saviors aren't supposed to come for another few days. But tomorrow, you have to get back to the Kingdom. They won't find you th-"

"I'm not gonna hide for that sonofabitch!" Daryl interrupted her. "I'm not gonna let _him_ , or anyone else, tell me what to do!" he shouted and rubbed his head, feeling the agitation creep up his skin.

"Well you gonna have to, 'cause you can't go out running 'round on your own!" Maggie countered. "Rick's making a plan…"

"We can't wait for Rick's plan. I'm gonna hunt him down and kill him as soon as I can. I would rather die tryna fight back than live another second while that bastard's still breathin'" he spat and grabbed his stuff.

Maggie jumped in front of him, effectively blocking the door. Daryl looked away but she made him look her in the eye.

"He's not worth it for you to die!"

"He killed Glenn!" Daryl screamed out.

Maggie still cried every time she heard those words.

"I know he did!" she said, her voice thick with tears.

Daryl felt uneasy, skittish, restless. If he spent one more second in that crammed trailer he felt like he would collapse.

Thankfully, Maggie slid back on the couch again, so he could open the door.

"We can't afford to lose you, too" Maggie said softly, as he turned to look back at her one more time before walking out.

* * *

His talk with Jesus didn't go over any smoother than with Maggie. Though Jesus understood his need for action, he had faith in Rick's plan and said it was worth the wait – but that was easily said for someone who wasn't on the brink of insanity, so Daryl ignored his advice and crept out of the camp at the dead of night.


	3. Chapter 2: Denial

**Chapter two:** _ **Denial**_

Daryl knew it was a stupid plan to sneak out in the middle of the night, because he wasn't going to find Negan at this time, while Negan's men might find _him_ , but it wasn't like he was able to catch a good night's sleep anyway.

He used the time to get a better idea of the area and where Negan's outposts were located. As he watched the main road towards Negan's headquarters, he noticed patrols of guards were sent out in every direction every hour, having a patrol leave every fifteen minutes. Through the scope of his rifle, he watched Dwight smoking behind the fence of the compound and had half a mind to shoot him right then and there. But Dwight was just the number two and if he shot him now, his chances of ever being in a situation to kill Negan decreased a lot. Speaking of Negan, where was that goddamned son of a bitch?

The sun had risen hours ago, but Daryl hadn't seen his smug face yet. Come to think of it, he hadn't heard anyone saying they had seen him for a few days. Not Rick, nor Ezekiel, nor Maggie.

Daryl chewed on the grass straw in his mouth and entertained the thought of Negan lying somewhere dead in the gutter after being crossed by his own men, but he knew he had to see his dead body himself to be sure the job was done. Maybe just put a bolt in his head himself to be on the safe side.

So Daryl continued trekking through the fields, over the hills, seeking cover on the rocky cliffs that lined the road while he watched Negan's men going about their business. Daryl felt like he was stalking his prey like a predator, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. Only his prey still hadn't shown himself and it made Daryl uncomfortable.

* * *

In the meantime, Rick arrived at the hilltop after having driven to the Kingdom to find that Daryl had no longer been there. Maggie met him at the gate.

"He's not here anymore" she told him, knowing full well whom Rick was looking for.

Rick cursed and stomped his foot, before collecting himself again as he spoke to Maggie.

"Did he say where he was going?"

Maggie shook her head slightly.

Rick let his hand glide over his beard as he thought of his next move. Maggie hesitated for a moment before speaking up.

"Rick…" she started and the look in her eyes alerted him that something was wrong.

"Tell me" he demanded.

"He's not himself" Maggie confessed, somewhat reluctantly. "He's… I don't know… He's not okay. We have to find him… before he does anything stupid."

Rick took a step forward.

" _I_ will find him, you stay right here!"

Then, in a softer voice. "It's going down soon. We met another group that has agreed to help. I just need Ezekiel to come 'round. For now, we all need to find a way to stop supplying them without being too obvious. I'll figure out a way, we'll meet soon to talk things through, alright?"

Maggie nodded as Rick walked back to his car and drove off to find Daryl.

* * *

Daryl had rounded the headquarters two more times without so much as a glimpse of Negan. Dwight was alone most of the time, while the patrols came back with trucks full of supplies. Where the hell was their fearless leader?

Halfway through the day, Daryl realized Negan was probably out of town. Perhaps they had found a new community to terrorize. Perhaps right now, he was banging in someone else's brain to set the tone. Daryl gripped his gun tighter. He had found himself a spot on a hill where he could find cover behind some small bushes, while still being able to see the road that lead to Negan's headquarters for at least half a mile in each direction.

The sun was high in the sky and warm on his skin and the bushes didn't cast enough shade to seek refuge. He hadn't been able to catch a decent night's sleep since he had been captured and the warmth combined with the lack of action made his eyelids feel heavy. He lifted his rifle and watched the compound more closely through the scope. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then, he let his view glide along the road, traveling from one far end to the other, seeing the heat emanating from the asphalt. A walker stumbled from out of the woods towards the Sanctuary, as Negan and his men called it, in a ridiculously slow pace.

Another patrol was just heading out and eventually, one guy shot the walker in his head using a silencer. Daryl huffed. What a waste of a good silencer. After the group had left, everything was back to being boring and Daryl was back to struggling to keep his eyes open.

The sun kept traveling through the sky with only the occasional cloud to cover it, the crickets kept chirping loudly and every now and then a truck kept pulling up to the building Daryl kept watching from afar.

His body ached from being in the same position for too long, a sheen of sweat covered his face and dripped down his back, his mind clouded by the numbing abundance of emotions masking as anger and the lack of sleep. He remembered he had felt like this when he was just five or six years old, when his father had smacked him around for no reason and Daryl had vouched to stay awake for as long as it took to get his revenge. It only resulted in his sleep-deprived self bursting out in tears at school over nothing, making a fool out of himself on front of all the other kids.

He bit his lip and pushed the memory away, quickly lifting up his rifle again to distract himself.

He stared through the scope to the edge of the forest along the road, trailing it as far as he could see, looking for a walker to keep his mind occupied. But then, he froze.

His view had landed on a skinny blond girl, walking along the road, trying to hide at the forest edge. She wore a black t-shirt and carried a backpack, her hands on the straps, and she marched on without hesitation. All doubt disappeared when his eyes settled on the same messy ponytail he saw whenever he had closed his eyes in the past year, almost always followed by blood shooting from out of it, coloring those golden locks a bright crimson.

He frowned and dropped his rifle, sweat breaking out, a feverish ripple going through his body. His heart raced, his breath caught in his throat. A wave of nausea hit him and he couldn't think straight. He stumbled but kept standing, blinking ferociously as if trying to punish his eyes for lying to him.

A second later, he raised his rifle again and willed himself to look through the scope to see if he could find her again. He knew he wouldn't.

Still, he searched along the edge of the road and the forest feverishly, hoping to catch a glimpse of that blond head again. She was nowhere to be found, but then he heard a motorcycle driving up from around the corner. It carried a single person and didn't drive all the way up to the Sanctuary, but stopped at a seemingly random spot a little ahead of where he had seen… _her._

Through the scope, Daryl could clearly recognize the lone biker as Negan. His prey had finally shown himself, conveniently while Daryl felt like he was seconds from passing out. Though Negan didn't wear a helmet and his head was at the center of his visor, Daryl knew that if he wanted to take that shot, he would have to do some calculations to make sure the bullet landed where he wanted it. Still, it was as good an opportunity as any; the bastard was alone, none of his men to defend him and he was standing still, seemingly unmoving for a while though Daryl had no idea why.

He tried to focus his mind, tried to estimate the distance and adjust for the wind, but thoughts kept racing through his already foggy mind, and he found himself too shaken up to clear it. Negan seemed to be taking his time, staring into the woods and before Daryl could comprehend what was going on, Beth stepped out from between the trees and the bushes, walking onto the road.

Daryl felt another wave of sweat breaking out again, felt the overdose of adrenaline making his tired body tremble, making the rifle shake and his view of her with it.

' _It's not real_ ' he kept telling himself, but he felt his self-control slipping and something very primitive taking over, wanting to protect even the hallucination of the girl he so dearly missed. His impulses told him to fire, but he feared he would miss and further anger Negan and on the slightest chance that she was actually there, he would kill her. And Daryl would have to watch her die again.

In the few seconds Daryl's feverish mind was trying to decide what to do, Beth had walked up to Negan and hugged him shortly, reminding Daryl of the hugs she had given him. His eyes started mist over, his vision went out of focus and his labored breath was now coming out in small sobs. As she got on the back of Negan's bike, his body felt numb and he was left standing there, watching as the two people he had wanted to see most that day drove off together.

A second later, he jumped up and started running downhill after them as fast as he could, losing sight within the minute. He kept running along the road as if his life depended on it, but eventually spotted a group of Negan's men driving towards him. Just in time, he ducked into the forest and hid behind a tree.

He slid down on the ground, knowing he wouldn't catch up with him anymore and his only chance was to check if Negan's bike was parked outside the Sanctuary. Tears started rolling from his eyes over his sweat and dirt stained face as he sat there on the muddy ground and tried to catch his breath. The coolness of the forest calmed him down a bit so he stayed a little while longer, trying to slow his racing heart. Trying to make sense of what he had seen, but finding that he couldn't.

His head was pounding and his body had yet to stop shaking, as he kept replaying the last five minutes over and over in his mind, leaving him breathless every time. He knew it was his mind playing tricks on him. He knew he had probably imagined everything, but it had _felt_ so real.

He scrambled to his feet again, swinging his bag and his bow back over his shoulder while carrying the rifle in his hand. He dried the remains of his tears and wiped the hair from his face, took a deep breath and started to walk towards the compound.

After having inspected the entire compound through his scope for the third time and still not finding the motorcycle he was looking for, he knew it probably didn't even exist in the first place. He figured it had all been a figment of his imagination and that it could get him and any else he dragged into this killed.

But if it had all been real and Beth was alive, she was now in Negan's hands and Daryl couldn't bear to think of what he would do to her. He had to get her out of there, but he couldn't do it on his own.

* * *

A while later he softly knocked on the door of Maggie's trailer. No response.

"'s Daryl" he mumbled awkwardly.

The door swung open and Maggie stood in the doorway.

"What are you doing back here? I thought you said you couldn't wait anymore?"

Daryl cast his eyes to the ground in shame. Maggie's concerned eyes swept over his face. Suddenly, realization hit her.

"Is it… done?" she asked.

Daryl looked up and shook his head before letting his head fall again.

"Then what's…?" Maggie trailed off, confused.

"Somethin' happened" Daryl started and hesitated. "I saw Beth."

He looked up and saw the same emotions wash over her face as he had felt that afternoon. She stumbled back inside the trailer and Daryl followed her, concerned, and guided her down to sit on the couch.

"What? Where?" Maggie eventually asked, her hopeful eyes staring at him.

"I was watchin' the road to his building, waitin' for him to come back. Then she came walkin' out of the woods, onto the road."

"Did ya talk to her? Where's she now?" Maggie asked and readied herself to leave.

"I dunno…" Daryl answered, hopping from one foot to the other.

Maggie turned to look at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Maggie… She went with Negan. He picked her up on his bike. I couldn't follow them on foot… Been tryin' to find that damned thing but it isn't at the Sanctuary."

Maggie shook her head in confusion.

"She went with Negan? Why would she do that?"

Daryl shook his head.

"Don't know that either. But they seemed real close. He was waitin' for her to show up. And she hugged him."

He tried to suppress the wave of emotions he felt while he relayed the events, but felt a lump forming in his throat nonetheless.

Maggie's frown increased. She sat back down and leaned her arm on the tabletop.

"How could she know Negan? We've been here for months and no one has ever seen her before. How did she manage to get here from Atlanta on her own? How could she even have survived…?"

As she looked up at Daryl hoping for answers, he looked away and gnawed at his lip. He felt Maggie's gaze on him and when he looked back at her, something in her eyes had shifted.

"Tell me again Daryl, tell me exactly what happened in that hospital."

So Daryl told her. The short version first, but then after some pressing the detailed one.

"Could she have survived that?"

"How would I know, I'm not a doctor now am I?" Daryl snapped, but Maggie knew he was just feeling helpless.

"But what do you think?" she asked patiently.

He blinked, his gaze flickered to the door and he thought about storming out. He wanted to say yes so badly.

"No."

Maggie inhaled sharply, but nodded.

"Okay."

Daryl noticed her change in demeanor.

"I mean I don't think so, but I saw her. Just now, just today, right here in the same area we are!" he rattled, feeling the panic rise. He lifted his hand to his head, raising the rifle with it. "I saw her hair, you know, the ponytail, with the eh, with the braid and all. It was her, I swear...!"

Maggie stood up and calmly unclutched the rifle from his hands, taking it from him and placing it on the small table.

"I believe you" she said, calmly. He tilted his head, not understanding what was happening one bit.

"Then what are we waitin' for? We need to tell Rick and go get her before he can do anything to her, c'mon!"

He stalked over to the door, but Maggie stopped him by placing her hands on his shoulders and guiding him to sit on her bed.

"Tell me more about your day. Start with what happened after you left last night."

He shook his head and frowned.

"You know I couldn't stay put no more, I told ya."

Maggie handed him a full bottle of water which he downed almost completely in one gulp.

"I'm not mad" Maggie said. "I just need to know exactly what happened."

Daryl averted his eyes and started relaying the events of the last sixteen hours. Where he had walked, where he had spotted Negan's men, what he had learned from watching them. He told her about his lookout spot on the top of the hill, how he had watched for hours without anything happening, until he had spotted her through his scope. How he hadn't believed his own eyes when he saw her first.

After he was done, Maggie nodded.

"Come with me" she said and walked out of the trailer. Daryl quickly grabbed his stuff and followed her out.

"Where're we goin'?"

Maggie took large strides and turned her head to look at him over his shoulder, never slowing her steps.

"You need to see a doctor, Daryl."

He stopped dead in his tracks. She didn't believe him. She thought he was crazy.

"I know what I saw!" he called out, remembering the time he had seen a chupacabra and no one had believed him either.

Maggie took a few large steps back in his direction and grabbed his hand, dragging him along.

"I know you do, but I just need to make sure you're okay before we go out, guns blazing" she explained. "I know you would hate it if your good intentions would result in hurtin' anyone of our family."

Daryl gave in and followed her to another trailer. A man named Carson opened up.

"Daryl's been out on his own all day since last night. Can you check if he's alright?"

The doctor shifted his gaze from Maggie to Daryl and Daryl felt like he was a kid being dragged to the doctor by his overly concerned mother. The doctor smiled reassuringly.

"Sure."

Daryl stepped inside and Carson motioned for him to sit down on the table that had been converted into a treatment table.

The doctor checked his pupils, temperature, heart beat and blood pressure in silence, only gesturing when he needed Daryl to do something and occasionally mumbling to himself.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

"Last night" Daryl lied, but felt bad about it, so he added "a little."

"And how much water did you drink today?"

"Half a liter at Maggie's a few minutes ago…"

The doctor kept staring at him so he continued.

"Before that I guess about half a liter 's well. 's Not as if there's plenty to go 'round" he added to justify himself.

The doctor hummed.

"And when was the last time you urinated?"

Daryl jumped up from the table.

"You mean pissed?" he asked a little incredulous. "I don't know, this mornin'" he hastily said and feigned annoyance. The doctor didn't pay any mind to his discomfort.

"Tell me if you recognize any of the following symptoms" the doctor said and started to sum up: "Fatigue…."

Daryl looked at him, the doctor recognizing his silence as a 'yes'. He continued.

"… Dizziness. Headache. Muscle or abdominal cramps…"

"Not those" Daryl jumped when he heard something he wasn't suffering from.

"Alright" the doctor said to indicate his response had been noted. "Nausea, vomiting or diarrhea…"

"Jus' a lil' nausea I guess…" Daryl mumbled.

"Profuse sweating. Rapid heartbeat – your heartbeat was increased when I checked by the way. Confusion…"

Daryl looked at him and narrowed his eyes. The doctor seemed unmoved. He stayed silent for a little bit, then sighed deeply as he looked Daryl in the eyes with a serious expression.

"You're dehydrated, severely sleep-deprived and suffering from heat exhaustion on top of that. You're lucky you didn't pass out, to be honest."

Daryl averted his eyes and stared at the floor in front of his feet. The doctor placed a hand on his shoulder. Daryl flinched.

"Get some rest. Take care of yourself. Drink plenty of water and stay out of the sun. You'll feel better in the morning. If not, come see me whenever you want to."

Daryl nodded to say 'thanks' and walked out. Maggie jumped up from the ridge of the trailer, looking expectantly at him.

"I should go back to Alexandria" Daryl said and though it wasn't exactly a medical diagnosis, the fact that he no longer was planning on going back to Negan's headquarters confirmed what she had already thought. He was sick.

She jogged after him.

"No way, you're going to get some rest first. At least for the night. And I'm gonna make sure you drink enough and have something decent to eat. End of discussion."

Daryl blinked as he looked at her. He had noticed that she had started to act more motherly over the last weeks and he wondered if it had more to do with the child growing inside of her or the horror and tragedy that had struck her life again. She had done so much for him, while he had been like an angel of death to her, somehow always playing a part in the death of her beloved. He couldn't bear to say no to her now so he followed her back to her trailer, where she converted the small space of her couch and table into another bed, grabbed a sheet and a pillow and made the bed for him.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, he was lying down in the bed, still fully clothed except for his boots, and a liter of water in a bottle beside him. Maggie had left to give him some space.

As he lay there, the images of what had happened that afternoon played again in his mind, but he now realized they were nothing but a mirage. A dehydrated man seeing an oasis in the desert.

He rolled onto his other side. He knew this would happen, and he also knew it was his own damn fault. After suppressing any memory of her for almost a year, he had tapped into them when he had been alone in that dark cold cell, slowly being tortured to death.

Those memories had been what had kept him going. He had blocked the bad ones. When she was taken. When she was shot. He hadn't thought of the times they had fought, just the good times. When they had burned that shack down. Carrying her around on his back and in his arms. When she had sung to him. But he should have known he would lose control over it sooner or later. He hadn't coped with losing her and now his mind was forcing him too, finding its own way of doing so, and it came at the worst possible time.


	4. Chapter 3: Bargaining

**Chapter three:** _ **Bargaining**_

The next morning, after sleeping for five hours, he woke up before Maggie did, cleaned his gun, prepared his crossbow and straightened his clothes the best he could. He made sure to drink some more, the headache not at all gone, and waited outside for her to wake up as well.

She did, and sure as hell came bolting through the door, expecting him to have run off in the night again. She sighed when she spotted him sitting on the ground, one leg folded beneath the other, cutting away patches of wood from a stick, making himself an arrow for his bow.

"Mornin'" he said, still feeling embarrassed by his meltdown.

"Good morning" she said kindly. "Did ya sleep well?"

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while.

"I'm sorry for gettin' your hopes up" he said after a while. Maggie pressed her lips together.

"I know you miss her as much as I do" Maggie stated and Daryl looked down. "I'm glad you came to me so I could help you before anything happened."

Daryl always felt uncomfortable during talks like these, so he just huffed, but just like her sister, Maggie wasn't one to be intimidated by his rough manner.

"I meant it Daryl" she said and waited for him to look at her. "We can't afford to lose you too."

Daryl nodded.

"I can't stay here" he said, changing the subject. "Saviors gonna be comin' here any time soon."

Maggie nodded.

"I'm gonna see if I can get to Alexandria, talk to Rick. Otherwise I'll go back to that hippie and his tiger."

Maggie snickered.

"If you see Rick, tell him we were thinking of spoiling the food supplies they come to collect a few days before attacking them" she said. "Hopefully, some will be sick during the attack."

Daryl nodded. "I will."

* * *

Then, Daryl grabbed his stuff and some food and water for the road, and left.

But unlike what he had told Maggie, he was planning on going on a little detour before heading for Alexandria.

His body was still a bit shaky and twitchy, but his resolve to kill Negan hadn't weakened a bit by his meltdown. If anything, it had grown stronger.

And while he knew his visions of Beth were probably the result of his exhausted mind, he had also always been told that it was his mind that had made up the image of the chupacabra, because something as frightening as that only existed in people's minds. But now the world was filled with walking dead people trying to eat the living, and Daryl figured those people weren't always right about things like that.

So maybe, just maybe, if he believed strong enough she was alive, his faith would be rewarded and he would find her that day.

He sneaked back to the spot on the hilltop he had found the day before, but as he felt the sun on his skin, he decided that today, he would find a place in the shade.

He found one behind a large rock on top of the cliff that towered over the road, just a few yards away from the entrance to the Sanctuary.

And so the waiting began again. Daryl watched men come and go, witnessed a fight, saw Dwight come out for a smoke every now and then, but no sign of Negan.

He rationed his water to make sure it would last him the day and put off eating the few strips of beef jerky that had only meant to be enough to last him the way to Alexandria, until past noon. He didn't feel very hungry anyway and knew the only thing that would leave him satisfied was putting an arrow or a bullet through that asshole's skull. If he were ever brave enough to show himself.

Daryl hated the wait, hated how it made his mind go back to what he had seen the day before, and hated how much he yearned to see something like that again. He hated how if he had to choose between putting a bullet between Negan's eyes, or staring at his own hallucinations, he feared he would choose the latter.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Daryl was sitting on a smaller rock, still hiding from the sun and the Saviors behind the larger rock, the rifle laying across his lap. He folded his bandana into a long, small band and tied it behind his head to keep the hair out of his face and the sweat from dripping into his eyes. While he did that, his mind went back to the story he had told Maggie for maybe the tenth time that year.

How no one had seen she had a pair of scissors hidden in her cast. How no one had expected a cop to have had her finger on the trigger before she had been meaning to fire. How the blood pooled on the ground. He had seen people being shot before. Even before the apocalypse. And objectively, he probably had seen a lot more blood coming from a body, but in his memory, he always seemed to focus on the bright red that shot out of her head so unexpectedly. _They had already rescued her._

Maggie had asked if there was a chance she had survived and Daryl felt guilty thinking about it now. It had been him to carry her body outside, and it had been him to hold her body close to his, leaving for Maggie just to clasp her hands and stroke her face.

Daryl had carried her like that before, when she was very much alive, and so he had felt how much heavier her still light body had felt that dreadful day.

But still. Had he been too rash to assume she was dead? Should he have let other people take a closer look at her?

When he had told what had happened to Maggie the first time, he had tried to relay as much as he could, but now he found that he had missed a lot of it himself, his memory anything but clear on a number of things.

He plucked at the skin around his fingernails and grimaced.

No. This was self-torture. She was dead. Other people dreamed about the dead, he had just been daydreaming.

And so he put it out of his mind and focused on his goal of killing the man that had hurt him and his family so profoundly.

* * *

At dusk, Daryl noticed a car pulling up at the Sanctuary's gates. Dwight came jogging towards it and Daryl felt his attention peaking. He crawled from behind the large rock and removed the red bandana, to avoid being seen. As he lay flat on his stomach, he watched Negan coming out of the car, leaning on the opened car door as he talked to Dwight. Daryl silently grabbed his rifle and placed it on the standard, pointing it directly at Negan's head.

Then, Dwight nodded and jogged back inside while Negan turned back to the car. Daryl's finger was moving towards the trigger when he heard Negan's trademark laughter and saw him talking to someone inside the car. He froze again, but this time he had been somewhat prepared. He grabbed the gun and moved along the edge to get a better sight of the passenger's side of the car.

And there he saw it. Unmistakably wavy blond hair and a skinny arm rolling up the window manually.

This time, he wasted no time and paid no mind to the consequences.

"Beth!" Daryl cried out this time. "Beth!" over and over, which made Negan look up amused, a wide grin spreading out on his face as his eyes locked with Daryl's. Daryl let himself fall over the edge of the cliff, trying to glide down, skidding over the crumbling rocks and loose sand. The cliff was too steep so he just slid down, scratching every bit of naked skin, bumping into rocks until coming to a stop on the asphalt. By then, the car was already a few hundred yards away from him, but Daryl still ran after it, screaming, shouting, crying and shooting that damned rifle that wasn't any good in situations like these.

* * *

He didn't come home to Alexandria until the next morning at dawn, as he had to dodge all the extra patrol units all night, that had been send out after the commotion outside the sanctuary's gates.

Besides that, his body was battered and bruised. He had sprained his ankle, hit his head, and had cuts and scratches all over his skin, with burns on his forearm. His journey back to Alexandria had been anything but easy in this state, but when he eventually reached the gates, he had half a mind to turn around anyway.

As he stood debating whether he should alert the watch of his presence, he heard a car pulling up and saw the headlights landing right on him.

"Fuck."

Though he raised his rifle, he knew he was done for. They would either kill him here in front of all his family, or take him back to the Sanctuary to continue their slow torture to death.

He held his hand up to block the light and through his one good eye (the other being swollen from his fall) he tried to make out who got out of the car, but only recognized him as he put a hand on his shoulder and concerned eyes took in all his wounds.

"What happened to you, brother?" Rick said softly, gripping Daryl's shoulder tight.

"Fell form a cliff" Daryl muttered.

Rick sighed and looked at him at little longer. Daryl cast his eyes down, not knowing how much Rick knew of what had happened to him the last few days.

"I just came back from the Hilltop" he said as if he could read his mind. "Spoke to Maggie…"

Daryl tensed and continue to stare at the ground in embarrassment.

Rick let his hand fall from Daryl's shoulder and hesitated a little, both men feeling uncomfortable with talks like these. But Rick needed to get something of his chest, so he did.

"I just want you to know… I know what you're going through. I know what it's like. After Lori…"

Daryl couldn't stand it any longer, even though he knew it was well-meant.

"Thanks" he said, ending the conversation. Rick nodded in relief, and together they alerted the watch to open the gate.

* * *

As they arrived at their house, Rick went to wake Michonne to let her know he was back and that he had brought a friend with him. Michonne jumped up from her make-shift bed, got dressed in under a minute and made her way downstairs to where Daryl still was standing.

"Look at what the cat dragged in!" Michonne teased before pulling him into a hug. Daryl winced, both from the physical contact and the pain in his shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked.

Daryl and Rick exchanged glances.

"He fell from a cliff while he tried to dodge the extra patrols that were on the road tonight."

Michonne sighed and went to grab the few medical supplies she had hidden in her make-shift pillow. Some iodine, a few sterile gauze pads and bandages, and just a little bit of ointment to help with the swelling around his eye.

As she started tending to his wounds, they all stayed silent.

Then, Michonne grabbed an icepack, put it on his eye and bandaged it to keep it in place.

"We really need to find someone else with some medical training to run our nurse's station" she said as she was clearing up. "We can't go over to the Hilltop every time someone sprains their ankle."

Rick nodded.

"There, all done" Michonne said and patted Daryl on the knee.

"Thanks" he mumbled.

Rick waited until Michonne had left the room to go and wake up Carl, before he spoke to Daryl in a hushed voice.

"Those extra patrols, you wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"

Daryl looked him in the eye. Rick tried his best to look scolding.

"Maggie told me you were supposed to be heading straight for Alexandria when you left yesterday morning…"

"I just went to check on something…"

"And?" Rick prodded.

Daryl shrugged.

"I fell from the cliff before I could shoot him."

Rick slumped back in his chair with realization in his eyes.

He sighed again, but was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of Michonne and Carl coming downstairs, chatting.

Carl didn't seem to think Daryl's presence or appearance were strange.

"Hey, Daryl!" he greeted him happily.

"Hey" Daryl greeted back.

Carl sat down at the table.

"You copying my look?" he joked as he nodded towards Daryl's bandaged eye.

Daryl grinned, and for the first in a long time, he felt a little less on edge.

Rick grinned too.

"After breakfast, you…" he said and pointed at Daryl, "are going straight to bed and get some rest. Carl, you make sure he stays in bed."

"Sure, we could place another baby monitor in his room. I can babysit him and Judy at the same time" Carl teased. Daryl just grunted.

Though he knew Rick had been joking about Carl watching him, Daryl knew he was serious about him staying bed, so he dragged his hurting body upstairs to his attic. Rick was heading out as he spotted Daryl at the top of the stairs.

"Daryl" he said and Daryl turned to look at him. "If you ever wanna talk, or, or something, I'm here."

Daryl nodded. "Mhm."

Rick nodded as well and both men quickly turned back to their tasks at hand.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Daryl lay in bed. His body didn't hurt as much thanks to the aspirin and Michonne's care. His stomach was relatively full and he felt clean after having taken a shower. Now, all that remained was getting some sleep. Letting his mind and body rest.

He stared at the ceiling. Maybe he was going crazy. Merle had always said he had a weak mind. He hated how Maggie and Rick looked at him, hated how much of himself he had unconsciously shown by telling them of his hallucinations. What would they think of the tough Daryl Dixon now, losing his mind over some dead girl he hadn't even paid any attention before getting stuck with her.

He rolled onto his side. He hoped the hallucinations would end soon, but until they did, he wouldn't tell anyone about them no more. It was his struggle and their pitying and questioning looks didn't help him any. He would take responsibility for his own sanity and make sure he wouldn't become a liability to the group.

And to do that, he knew he would have to face what had happened. _Everything_ that had happened, starting with that fateful day at Grade Memorial Hospital.

And so, Daryl closed his eyes and let the memory play out in his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 _Devastation ruled the hallway of Grady Memorial Hospital. Everyone seemed frozen. The only sound he heard was his own crying. Eventually, a guy in a doctor's coat moved and scooted down, trying to touch Beth's body._

" _Get away!" he growled. "Don't touch her!"_

 _The man started to stammer but was silenced by agent Shepherd's hand on his shoulder. Daryl kneeled down beside her body, feeling nauseous, exhausted, at the edge of consciousness. Blood stained her blonde hair. Everyone else was watching her and Daryl knew he had to get her out of this goddamned hospital if it was the last thing he did. Even if she wasn't still alive._

 _He gathered her in his arms, faintly registering that the man that had approached her body was now talking to Rick._

" _We're taking her with us, for now. I'll talk to them" Rick said, his voice wavering with grief, but still trying to lead them through this._

 _Daryl held her still warm body close to his, her head leaning against his chest as if she was just asleep while they walked out of the hospital. He just walked after the rest, not seeing where they were going with his hair and tears blurring his vision. At that point it didn't matter. But somehow the look on Maggie's face was crystal clear. The smile that fell from her face, the horror, the heartbreak, the pain. She fell down to the ground and he stopped in front of her, not knowing what to do. Everyone around them cried or felt like it. Maggie crawled closer to him, only standing up enough to touch her sister. She stroked her face, her hair, kissed her hand and cheeks while Daryl could only cry. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, but in reality were just minutes, until Rick walked up to them._

 _He cleared his throat._

" _Eh… The ah, doctor said, that Beth's an organ donor. Do you know anything about that, Maggie?" he asked as gently as he could, his voice thick with tears._

 _Maggie cried soundly again and nodded._

 _Rick hesitated for a minute._

" _The doctor asked me if she would donate to the patients here… They need it and Beth's got the right blood type" he rambled._

" _Naw" Daryl cried. "No way! Not these people."_

" _There are patients here that have nothing to do with Dawn's business" Rick continued as he noticed the doctor already waiting for her behind the entrance doors._

" _He's right" Maggie answered, choking on tears and looked up at Daryl. "She would have wanted this. She would have wanted to help other people for as long as she could."_

 _Daryl just shook his head, pulling her body even closer to his._

" _No…" he just cried weakly._

 _Maggie placed her arm on his._

" _Please, Daryl. She could live on through others…"_

 _Thick tears rolled down his cheeks._

 _Rick raised his tired hand shortly to signal the doctor and his assistants to come out. They stopped just behind Daryl. Rick placed a hand on his shoulder while Glenn hugged Maggie._

 _Daryl laid her body down on the gurney and everyone came to stand beside her for a bit._

 _Shepherd stayed behind with them when the doctor rushed her inside with as much respect as he could, Maggie holding back Daryl from running after her._

" _We'll give her a proper burial. Is there any place you would like?" Shepherd asked, and while they had just come from a church with a cemetery, none of them wanted to even think of that place again._

" _Somewhere near a tree" Maggie said and everyone had peace with that._

* * *

 _Minutes after Shepherd had gone inside as well and the hospital doors had closed, the group remained rooted to the spot, but were shaken from their trance-like state by the sound of walkers coming close. A lot of them._

 _Rick came to his senses as Abraham urged him to get the group inside the fire engine, but as soon as they were inside, the motor wouldn't start anymore._

 _Numbed with grief, Daryl jumped out of the engine, fighting of walkers on his own, quickly followed by Rick, Glenn and Sasha. They cleared a path towards a deserted parking space and found two vans that could carry all members of the group. They cleared them, hot-wired them and drove back to pick up the others._

 _Afterwards, they drove as far as they could, not really knowing where they would go, but just getting away from_ that _place._

 _Only when they were gone far enough did they stop to rest for a minute. The urgency and hurry in which they had left now gone, their survival modes were temporarily switched off and made way for new tears and pain._


	5. Chapter 4: Ashes

**Chapter four:** _ **Ashes**_

Meanwhile inside the hospital, while Beth's friends had left with her body, the officers had taken Dawn's and dr. Edwards hadn't dared to ask what they were going to do with it or if he could use her organs. His only hope of getting something positive out of this tragedy had been for Rick's group to allow him to keep Beth's body. So he had waited downstairs, watching the grieving group and trying his best not to become emotional himself. If it would work out, he would have to be performing an organ transplant within the hour so he had made sure he would be able to focus. He had felt utterly relieved when Rick motioned for him to come and get her body.

Edwards had hurried Beth's body upstairs, receiving help from a few police officers. It hurt him to see _her_ lying dead in front of him, but he was glad they had donated her body to the hospital. At least two patients could profit from her organs and while he was now alone in his own operating room, he could admit that he was intrigued to examine and study her brain more closely, to see if he could find sings of whatever it was that was causing people to turn into the walking dead. He just hoped the bullet hadn't destroyed the entire area.

But as he studied her head wound more closely, he noticed that the bullet hadn't come near the cerebellum. The entry point of the bullet had been relatively high in the frontal cortex, after which it had travelled through a small part of the underlying white matter before exiting through the parietal lobe, just posterior to the central sulcus. Edwards froze. It had been almost half an hour after she had been shot. These days, almost all people turned within thirty minutes.

Feverishly, he searched the room for something to stab her with, hoping he would have the guts and the strength to do it right. He found a pair of operating scissors and prepared himself to stab those through her eye socket and into her brain. But as he held the scissors above her eye, his watch was above her mouth and when he tried to steady his shaking hand, he noticed that the glass of his watch misted up slightly. She was still breathing.

Adrenaline shot through his body. He repositioned the bed so that her head was elevated in approximately 30 degrees, hooked her up on the EEG, heart monitor, ventilator and a saline drip to cool down her body and extract as much fluid from her brain as possible. Then, he went to search for the cooling blankets and placed them on her body to cool it down as soon as possible. He hadn't worked as a brain surgeon, nor a neurologist, but it had always been his favorite area of medicine. He knew what to do, but at that moment felt too excited to make any decisions.

He called for Shepherds and made her step into the room before quickly shutting the door again. He told her what had happened and how he was going to fight for Beth's life even if it was the last thing he would do. Shepherds felt the same and wanted to rush outside again to tell Beth's group the news, but Edwards needed her to grab certain medication to keep Beth in a medically induced coma and keep the intracranial pressure from building up too much.

Not having the right equipment to measure the intracranial pressure any other way, Edwards checked Beth's eyes for signs that he would have to operate to relieve it. As of now, that didn't seem to be the case and Edwards felt relieved because he knew he would have to either place a drain or remove a piece of her skull altogether, and he had no training in cutting through the skull.

As Shepherds searched the medicine cabinet and handed him the things he asked for, Edwards became concerned by the fact that saving Beth's life would drain their resources significantly. If that was going to be a problem, he would take a stance, barricading the room for as long as he could. But Shepherds seemed to notice his apprehension and reassured him that after everything that they had let happen to Beth, everyone would do whatever they could to keep her alive.

Her situation, though dire, seemed stable for the moment, and Shepherds rushed outside the hospital hoping to find Beth's group still there, but all she was greeted with was an abandoned fire engine. She searched around to find any clues as to where they had been headed, but found none.

Defeated, she went back inside and made sure everyone was on the same page when it came to Beth's life.

* * *

Almost all day and all night, Edwards stayed with his patient, keeping a close eye on her vital signs, gathering as much information about her state as he could, and making sure she received the right medication at the right time.

After eight days without signs of swelling in the brain, Shepherds told Edwards it was time to have her come out of the coma and see what her current state was.

Half a day later, Beth opened her eyes and was able to move all extremities – slightly. It was a miracle come true.

Over the course of the next month, Edwards monitored her progress closely and step by step, the machines that had taken over her vital functions were shut off. Physical therapy started as soon as possible, making sure Beth got out of bed every day at least once. Though she regained the ability to speak relatively quick, and though her speech improved every day, Edwards noticed that she generally avoided speaking if she could. It concerned him.

When Beth was able to walk on her own down the hallway for a bit and have a short conversation again, he noticed that her reserved attitude wasn't the only lasting effect of her brain injury.

 _Retrograde amnesia._ All her memories from after the death of her mother up to waking up at the hospital were either blocked or gone. Edwards knew it could be caused by actual physical trauma as well as psychological trauma. In case of the former, chances were that those memories would never come back to her, but in case of the latter, it was important to have those memories come back to her on their own.

So he instructed everyone else not to say anything about things she didn't talk about of her own accord and kept monitoring her closely.

Beth felt confused, sad, frustrated and though everyone at the hospital was kind and helpful to her, she couldn't shake the uneasy feeling she had. She remembered the outbreak of dead people walking around, eating people alive. She remembered how her mother had turned, but somehow this time around she already knew her mother wasn't just sick – she was dead. She didn't know how she had gotten from her home to this hospital in Atlanta, didn't know where her dad, or Maggie, Jimmy, Patricia or Otis were. Had to learn to walk and talk like she was a baby. And most of all, she felt embarrassed or ashamed or just shy – _all the time_.

Though silently and with the support of dr. Edwards, Amanda and Bob, she was able to exercise and regain a bit of the muscle she had lost. The physical therapy seemed to go better than anyone could have ever hoped and she focused herself completely on getting psychically strong again, figuring she would feel mentally strong then as well.

* * *

She had known she had worked out too much and gave herself a knee injury, but she had decided to bite through the pain and keep working out. That had been a stupid idea, because as she had to jump and land on her bad leg, a shot of pain rippled through her body and she fell down.

She grunted and grabbed the towel from around her neck and threw it on the ground in frustration. As she went to sit up, Amanda came to join her.

"I wish I could just cut this stupid leg off!" she muttered, but then suddenly her mind filled with images of her father with a bloody leg, the lower part chopped off. Then of him hopping around on crutches. She didn't immediately recognize the surroundings. Then she remembered him walking around with a prosthetic leg. Was it a prison? How did they get there? Maggie was there too, and some other people though she couldn't really make out what they looked like.

"… Beth! What's going on?" Amanda's worried voice shook her from her thoughts.

"I remembered..." Beth said, desperately trying to hold onto the new memories, trying to force her brain to remember more. "We were at a prison. My father – he was bit by a walker…"

Amanda cast her eyes down in sympathy. Beth quickly continued.

"But he survived. Other people chopped of his leg to save him. He got himself a prosthesis."

Beth smiled and tears formed in her eyes. For the first in a long time, she actually felt like would be alright eventually. And while she was worried about where her father and sister were, and sad that she wasn't with them, she was over the moon with the prospect of more memories coming back to her soon. So she went back to bed late that afternoon feeling optimistic for the first time. And then, as she closed her eyes, a face came to her mind.

Narrow, pale blue eyes, pressed lips, stubble and long strands of dark hair. He looked like someone Beth used to be afraid of. When she would come back from going out at night, she would avoid the group of bikers and thugs hanging at the bar at the edge of town. But she wasn't afraid of this face, rather it gave her fluttery feelings in her stomach and made her heart beat faster.

Right before she fell asleep, her mouth remembered his name on its own.

"Daryl."

* * *

After that, the memories came flooding her pretty quickly and the next few days became an emotional rollercoaster for her.

It exhausted her and halted her physical rehabilitation for a bit. Finally, everyone was able to tell her all about the group that had come looking for her, how devastated they had been when she had been shot. How the officers had searched and searched for weeks in the area to find clues as to where her group was, but hadn't found them to tell them she was alive.

They talked about Rick, and his son, the boy with the sheriff's hat. And about her sister Maggie and her husband Glenn. _Glenn_. Beth felt relieved that Maggie still had Glenn.

They also told her about a few others that apparently had joined the group while she had been kept at the hospital. And they talked about Daryl, how he had tried to push her to the safety of the exit during the exchange, how afraid he had been when she walked back to hug Noah and stab Dawn, how devastated he had been when she was shot, how he had cried, how he had cradled her body close to him, how he had carried her out of the hospital as if he would never let her go, how Maggie had to hold him back when they came to ask if they could keep her body.

How it all started and ended with him.

He was out there, somewhere, and Beth knew there was nothing she wouldn't do to find him and the rest of her group again.

But first, she needed the get stronger. A lot stronger.


	6. Chapter 5: Phoenix

**Chapter five:** _ **Phoenix**_

Almost a year after getting shot, Beth had recovered quite a bit. More than anyone could have ever hoped for and dr. Edwards had said it had been caused by her positive outlook and strong will. Since recovering from her knee injury, she had been careful not to push her body too much, while still gradually building up her stamina and strength. In the last month, she had accompanied Amanda and Bob on supply runs and last week she had successfully tried her luck at killing a walker.

Though technically, she could do everything she could before she was shot, she still tired easily and it frustrated her to no end. What also frustrated her, was the fact that she felt like the insecure little bird she had once been, maybe even more so now, and that a blush seemed to creep onto her cheeks and chest almost constantly.

She hadn't been the most outspoken, sassy person before all this, but she liked to think she had become a lot more confident, strong and fearless right up until Dawn pulled the trigger. She couldn't help but think it had something to do with her time alone with Daryl.

Daryl.

Talk about her cheeks flushing bright red.

She also remembered she used to keep a diary, but those days were gone now. She wouldn't write about his arms or his eyes in her journal, because he could very well be dead. Although she refused to believe that; as she worried less about her own life, she worried more about that of the others.

* * *

And so, roughly a year after she had survived a bullet to the brain, Beth set out to find her friends and family, against the expressed advice but with the help of the people at Grady Memorial.

When she walked out, she wore the exact same clothes, the exact same messy hairstyle and the exact same determined expression as she had the day she had been taken inside. The only thing that was different, was that next to the heart on her necklace, now also hung a bullet.

* * *

As she entered the freeway, she kept repeating her destination, afraid that her stupid brain would fail her outside the safety of the hospital walls:

Shirewilt Estates, Richmond, Virginia.

The one place she remembered Noah had wanted to go. To him, it was home, to the other's, it would be a safe residential community. The drive was just over 750 miles and Beth prayed that her full tank and the two extra spare tanks would get her there if she drove as economic as possible, even though that meant it would take her longer to get there.

She was in luck. She didn't encounter any herds of walkers, nor enemy groups. She drove 50 miles per hour for ten hours before sunset and she had to find a place to stay for the night.

She had no idea what would be a good spot to hide her car. She had been driving along the edge of the woods for the better part of the day and every bit seemed the same to her. She slowed down until she found a spot where a tree had snapped and its branches were now touching the ground. She maneuvered the car behind it to the best of her abilities, then added some more loose branches and bushes to cover it up completely. Then, she grabbed the rope she had brought with her, hung some empty cans from it and spanned it around the place where she had hidden her car. By the time she was finished, she was surrounded by pitch black darkness and just the sounds of the forest.

She ate her diner in silence: a bag of chips, a can of kidney beans and a few gulps of water, took some aspirin against the throbbing headache and decided to call it a night. She wrapped herself in the blanket she had brought and figured she would try to sleep on the backseat of the car for the night.

* * *

The next morning, she woke by the sound of birds singing and Beth felt uneasy with the fact that so far, nothing had gone wrong yet. If she kept this up, she would see her friends and family before the sun would set again. She started to feel nervous. How would they react? Would she fit right back in or would it take as long as it had the first time around?

She ate her fruit cup and worried, her cheeks coloring red just by thinking of the many ways she could embarrass herself in front of people she hadn't seen in a year.

But then, she manned up, pulled herself together, cursing the stupid brain injury that made her feel even more insecure than she already was, and drove off again.

* * *

It was past noon when she passed the sign that said "Richmond" and she could see the city dooming up in front of her. It took a little while longer to get downtown and even longer still to find Shirewilt Estates, as she kept getting lost. She felt like a fool and hated how much gas she had wasted, but felt relieved when all of the sudden, a sign next to the road announced her arrival. She parked the car at the edge of the forest, made a lame attempt at covering it up because she hoped there would be no need for her to come back for it later. She hoped that in ten minutes, she would be reunited with her family.

But a dreadful feeling settled in her body as she neared the gates on foot and heard no sounds. It became worse when she noticed a faded trail of brownish red dried up in the asphalt. As she stood in front of the gate, deep down she already knew she wasn't going to find them here. At least, not alive.

Willing herself to overcome the numbing fear, she pushed at the gates and was met by the sound of hundreds of walkers roaming the neighborhood. She froze, wanting to turn around, run away and never think about this place again. But she had to find out if her family had been there, if they had left any clues as to where they had gone.

So she grabbed her knife in one hand, her gun in the other and made her way through the neighborhood. She checked inside the houses, looking for a sign, a clue, but to no avail. She tried to hold of fighting the walkers for as much as she could, feeling exhausted from the long walk and dehydrated from being out in the sun for so long. Her mood dropped, tears formed in her eyes. She sighed. She was alone.

With defeat in her eyes, she walked just a bit further, until she noticed the distinct sign of a dead walker lying on the ground with the top of his head chopped of. _Michonne!_

Beth's eyes lit up, and she started to walk faster. But then she noticed that between the pools of walker blood, there was also that trail that had led from outside the gate. She followed it to a larger stain on the front porch of one of the homes. As she entered, she spotted a picture on the wall and a wave of nausea hit her as she realized whose home this had been.

Her body tensed, her headache increased, but she followed the trail through the house into one of the bedrooms. There, she saw two rotting walkers and a rotting arm, too strong to be Noah's. Bob or Tyreese's. She shuddered.

In the past year, she had been solely focused on her survival, somehow expecting the world to stop spinning until she was ready for it again. She had been set on finding her friends again, but she had no idea what they had gone through in the past year. If they were even still together. If they were even still alive.

She stood rooted to the spot for a while, not daring to think of what was actually waiting for her when she found the group. All the heartache, the pain, the horror and the fear. Would she be better of as she was now, with hope still of seeing them all again someday?

She stumbled back outside, not unlike how the dead stumbled around and just as aimlessly. She couldn't stay here – obviously. She could search the area, she could travel further north, or she could go back to the relative safety of Grady Memorial. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought of how hopeful she had been when she left there, and the disappointment that bordered on despair that she felt now.

But then, the walker's caught her scent and came stumbling in her direction, dozens at a time. Without bothering to will away her emotions, she started to run towards the exit, skillfully slipping between the walker's grasping and clawing hands. As she ran back to the gate, from the corner of her eye she saw something that lifted the dread and the despair and the sadness from her body. It was another dead walker and though she didn't have the time to take a closer look, as she hurried past him she knew exactly whom had killed him. From his forehead stuck a large, black bolt that could have only come form one man's crossbow.

She would see him again, even if just to finish that conversation they had had in that kitchen. She would say something else than "Oh" this time, she had decided, though she already blushed at the thought.

She ran outside the gates, now understanding that the bloody trail didn't lead inside, but out and hoped to see in what direction they had gone. But the trail directed her to the side of the road and probably further into the forest.

She knew there couldn't have been much left of any trail at all, and even if there was something, she wasn't good at this like Daryl was, but she tried anyway. She followed the general direction in which they had headed and came across two wires that had been spanned over a long distance.

She hesitated, feeling a little dizzy atop of feeling like her head would explode with the headache going on inside. She knew wire meant people, and people mostly meant problems. But maybe it were _her_ people. Maybe they had put up this wire and had found a spot to build a camp.

So she ducked between the wires and continued onwards. Nothing for a long while, until she heard the soft murmuring sound of walkers.

And where walkers were, were almost always people as well. So she crept a little closer, heel-toe, heel-toe as Daryl had shown her, so as to avoid anyone hearing her.

The sounds came closer, but Beth saw no walkers. When she had neared close enough, she saw a small truck and she realized the walker sounds had come from the heads that lay sprawled on the ground around it. To be on the safe side, she checked the cabin of the truck and took a good look inside the back, but there were no people to be found, just more bodiless walker heads.

She let her hands fall to her sides and looked around. She had lost the track. Had no idea if they had even been where she was now, but it was all she had and she had to hold onto that.

The fact that there was a truck parked there meant that there had to be a road nearby. She walked a bit further, careful not to forget where she had come from, and wound up on the same freeway she had travelled to get to Richmond, just a few miles north from where she had exited to get to Shirewilt.

She rested for a while, drank a bit of water, swallowed the last of her aspirin and decided she should go back for her car. Tonight, she would study her map and take the best guess as to where they would have gone. Then tomorrow, she would try to find as much gas as possible and set out in that direction.

* * *

Beth followed the freeway back south for forty-five minutes until she recognized the exit she had taken earlier. Exhausted, dizzy, nauseous and utterly disappointed, she let herself fall down the backseat of her car a little later. It was late in the afternoon, but she wished she could go to sleep just like she had done the first months of her recovery. But she knew she couldn't. She rested for a little bit, but then started making preparations for the night.

As the sun started to set, Beth walked around through the forest, scanning the area for potential threats. She found one when she stumbled onto a large stately building surrounded by a field.


	7. Chapter 6: Savior

**Chapter Six:** _ **Savior**_

Beth watched for half an hour, but there was no walker movement to be seen, nor signs of people to be found. She debated her actions for a minute. A building like this was likely to attract people, though by the lack of sound markers to alarm them of walkers, she figured there weren't any permanent residents. She needed the extra supplies… And in all honesty, she didn't feel like sleeping on the backseat of her car again tonight. It was both uncomfortable and unprotected. Maybe inside, she could find a better place to lay her tired head for the night.

Then she remembered the last time she had been out in the world and had come across a deserted 'safe haven' like this and it had resulted in her being kidnapped and eventually shot. Her body trembled and she realized she was scared. Even then, she had been with someone. Not just _someone_ … Daryl. The best companion you could hope for when having to survive in the wilderness.

Now, she was alone, with nothing but her weak muscles to defend herself. But that was always going to be the case, for as long as it took to find her family.

Three walkers stumbled from the trees behind her and she fought them off before driving her knife through each of their skulls.

Those weak muscles would have to do, she thought and snuck towards the building.

* * *

It was dark inside. She softly pushed open the heavy oak door and walked further inside. Opposite to the entrance was a reception desk and to her left what seemed like a waiting area. The door behind the reception desk seemed to be closed off by a large piece of furniture on the other side, so Beth walked along the left corridor. She spotted something like a large living room, with a couple of couches, a table, a TV and a piano. Then there was a kitchen. No food in the pantry. Damn.

She came across small bedrooms, mattresses and blankets still on the beds and dead walkers in various stages of decay still lying on the floor. Beth got a little excited by the prospect of potentially sleeping on a semi-decent bed tonight. But her headache was getting worse and her joy was short-lived.

She knew she was foolish and an idiot for leaving on the hospital on her own for a quest like this. She had survived while she should be dead, at least two times. But she wasn't, and she wasn't going to die now. She would find some medicine and when she had found the others, she would be fine.

She walked back towards the center of the building and ducked inside the right corridor. Another door that seemed to be locked, the small panel on the right indicating that it had been passcode protected. She pushed against the doors, as hard as she could until she could push them open far enough to slip her small body through. The first door she tried, she was in luck. Medicine all around. Mostly for mental illnesses though and she realized she had walked into a mental hospital. Trying to disregard the voice in her head that told her that it hadn't been a coincidence that precisely _she_ would find herself here, she focused on the labels on the boxes and bottles of medication. She had learned a lot about them and found the ones she could use, but then she heard voices, male voices, coming from the end of the corridor.

She stuffed the medication in her backpack and ran back towards the doors. She pulled with all her might but that seemed a lot harder than pushing. Eventually, she managed to slip through, but the men had already seen her. They ran after her, shouting profanities and 'stop', but Beth didn't slow her pace. They reminded her of Gorman and his words and the actions that followed them.

She ran out of the building, hearing the men nearing her. In a split second, she decided she would run for her car. She knew there wasn't much gas left, maybe not even enough to get the car started, but she tried anyway. The men ran after her. One of them was relatively fat and lagged behind, the other two lean; one short, one tall. The tall one, who was also quite muscular, grunted behind her that she was just making it harder on herself and tackled her to the ground just as her car came into view. She tried to grab her gun but the force of the tackle had sent it flying a few feet away from them. She clawed at the dirt, tried to push herself up, tried to grab her knife, but his body was on top of hers, pushing her down, restraining her arms.

Just as the other two had caught up, the fat one demanded that the other one hoist her up so he could see her. He did as he was told and Beth was paraded around like a piece of livestock, her knife removed from its sheath immediately. She purposely didn't give them the pleasure of looking her in the eye and kept her head down, but the skinny man pulled her head back by her ponytail to make the other men look her in the eye. She tried to look angry instead of afraid, though she felt both.

"So", the fat man said as he neared her, "what's a pretty young thing such as yourself doing alone in these woods?"

Beth didn't answer him, felt that her brain was unable to answer.

She had had that problem, a result of her brain injury. Whenever she felt too stressed, her speech faltered, leaving her unable to form correct sentences, find the right words or start talking altogether. She pursed her lips. The man looked angered.

"Answer me, bitch!" he called out.

Beth stayed silent and tried not to let his aggression affect her.

"Show some gratefulness" the skinny one said from behind. "Today is your lucky day. Today you get treated by all three of us...!"

Beth felt his breath on her cheeks as he spoke close to her face.

"We'll show you what a great time is. Leave you wanting more…" he breathed in her hair.

"Though I doubt she can after I'm done with her" the small one added with a wide grin.

The men laughed. Beth struggled to get loose, which earned her a smack in the face. It hurt and burned, but worse was the headache that was increasing. She worried; ever since waking up from that coma and understanding what had happened, she had felt as if even the smallest breeze could make her brain shut down for good.

"C'mon darling, what happened? Cat got your tongue?" the fat one teased. "That's alright though, we can find other things to make use of that pretty mouth of yours."

He stepped up close to her.

"Let's see what else we'll be working with tonight" he said and with two hands he tore the faded yellow polo shirt from her body.

Beth nearly cried. That shirt was the only thing left to remind her of Daryl, of the time she felt safe and powerful, the time she felt as if she was actually worth something.

God she missed him. Beth kept struggling, the pain of her hair being pulled out and the pounding headache enough to scream, but she stayed silent. She elbowed the man behind her in his stomach, but it just made him grip her body with his dirty hands, pulling her closer to him and pressing her hand at the bulge in his pants.

With her shirt ripped of, the men got a good look of her chest and bra-covered breasts. The bullet that nearly killed her dangled between them. From behind her, the tall man cupped them one by one through her bra, then tried to push the cups away. Beth managed to smack his hands away, stomping down on his foot hard enough so that he pulled back temporarily. He let go of her hair and Beth immediately turned to run away, but the fat man grabbed her entire body with his arms and threw her down on the ground, before landing on top of her.

"I'm not going to waste so much time talking. I'm going to take you, and take you hard, and I don't want any funny business or I will smack you senseless."

Beth lay on her stomach; her arms being pinned behind her back with one of the guy's big hands. He started to pull her pants down, not even bothering to unzip or unbutton. It hurt, but not before long he had pulled her pants down over her butt, leaving her completely exposed. She heard him unzip his pants and readied herself for what was to come, but then she hurt shouting, a gunshot, another, and before she knew it, the heavy weight of the man on top of her was lifted from her body and she heard the sound of somebody being beaten to death.

Beth managed to pull her pants op and straighten her bra. With knees drawn up, she put her arm around herself and buried her face against them. Then, the beating sounds stopped.

The man that had rescued her walked up to her and somewhere in her mind, Beth registered that this man could be just as bad as the other three – or worse. He stopped beside her and didn't speak.

After a little while, Beth looked up at him. Warm brown eyes stared at her, and what she liked even more than the lack of lust or aggression, was the lack of pity in them.

He was tall, quite muscular and somewhere in his mid-forties. Beth scrambled to her feet.

The man inspected her visually and sighed.

Then, before she knew it, Beth started to cry, try as she might to stop it. All the tension came out, the grief of finding what she had in Richmond, the exhaustion, the fear of dying, the fear of something worse happening. The man put an awkward hand on her shoulder as a sign of comfort and said nothing. Eventually, the sobbing stopped.

"Come on, it's getting dark" the man said and motioned for her to follow him to the building she had just fled.

Though she knew he would have hurt her already if he wanted, at this point, she felt better not trusting anyone.

"I'm okay" she therefor said, and added: "Thanks," a lot more casual than she actually felt.

She decided to act brave again and walked over to where her torn shirt lay in the mud. She brushed off as much dirt and put the fabric back on her body.

The man looked incredulously at her and huffed as he turned and walked back to the building. Beth grabbed her backpack and kept an eye on him, making sure he wouldn't follow her. A few yards away, he turned around one more time.

"What's your name?" he asked, catching her off guard.

"Lucy" she lied because to her it sounded like Lucky and that was exactly what she was.

The guy smiled a small smile.

"Xavier" he lied back. "Dr. Xavier Stevens."

She digested that piece of information before walking back to her car anyway. She decided that a night in the trunk of her car wasn't the worst thing if it meant that no one would be able to find her. So she curled up, closed the tailgate and fell asleep thinking of Daryl.

* * *

The next morning, she awoke by the sound of knocking on the trunk of her car where she was still curled up inside of.

"Good morning" she heard Xavier say calmly.

Beth stayed silent for a while.

"I found your gun" Xavier stated after a while. Beth closed her eyes. Damn.

To be on the safe side, she grabbed her knife as she popped the trunk open slowly.

Xavier stood waiting for her, hands on his hips, her gun dangling from his ring finger.

He smiled as he saw her face appearing from behind the tailgate.

Beth braced herself for a fight. She was _not_ going to be strong-armed into owing someone anything she hadn't agreed on in the first place again. She briefly wondered if he had planned for the men to attack her so that he could save her and have her trust him. Well, she wasn't born yesterday.

She jumped out of the car, staring him straight in the eyes. He seemed unaware of her powerful stance.

"You should look after things like these more carefully" he said, still dangling the gun in front her. "You never know if someone wants something in return for their kindness."

He handed the gun over and Beth grabbed it immediately from his hands, not yet holstering it.

"I'm not one of those people. Well, not today anyway."

He smiled at her and showed perfectly white teeth. Beth narrowed her eyes at him for a second. Then, she holstered her gun.

"Why did you help me?" she asked, tapping into her newfound braveness.

Xavier shrugged.

"Those jackasses caught me on a bad they. Interrupted me."

"Well, thank you. For your kindness" she looked at him sincerely. "I want to do something back. I have food, water…" she offered.

He laughed to himself.

"You also have medication… I saw you take it."

Beth blushed with shame.

"I'm sorry, I will give it back."

"Who was it for?" he asked.

Beth looked at him, not knowing how much truth to share with him. But still, he saved her live, brought her her gun and all that after she stole his medication.

"Me."

He raised his eyebrows.

"What for?" he asked.

Beth grabbed the bullet at the chain around her neck absent-mindedly. She hadn't felt stress like she had in the past twelve hours since remembering what had happened after her mother died – that her father was now dead too, that the people that had become her family thought she had died – and the stress combined with her exhaustion was making it hard for her to form a coherent story without telling him too much.

"I've a headache."

He nodded, knowing there was more to the story but not pushing the matter.

"So what food have you got?" he said and walked up closer.

Beth rummaged through her backpack and showed him the content.

"Ooh, fruit cups, nice!" he exclaimed, a little over the top. "I'll tell you what, you come inside and share a fruit cup with me, and I'll let you have two strips of aspirin _and_ I'll get you something decent to wear."

Beth frowned.

"I'd rather stay out here. You can have an entire fruit cup to yourself..."

He narrowed her eyes at her and grinned.

"You said your name was Lucy, right?"

Beth fought to keep the redness from her cheeks. She figured it was safe to tell him her real name – he seemed to be a decent guy – but since waking up from that coma she kept herself to herself and telling strangers her name made her feel vulnerable.

"Yes."

"Okay, Lucy, I'll stay outside with you. Maybe you can tell me a bit more about yourself."

Beth grabbed two fruit cups from her pack and handed one to Xavier. She sat down on the driver's seat of her car, while Xavier leaned against the hood.

They ate their fruit cups in silence, except for the cries of pleasure Xavier uttered with every bit he swallowed. Honestly, Beth felt it was a little over the top, since he obviously had enough to eat. Scanning over his body, she realized he must be doing pretty well for himself. He didn't seem as skinny as most people these days and still was able to maintain his muscles. The t-shirt he wore was near crisp white, so he must have enough water to regularly wash his clothes and he had the luxury of not having to ask for stuff in return of his kindness.

She was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of a walker stumbling up to them. Beth jumped up to deal with him, but had to sit back down from dizziness. Xavier watched her and set his fruit cup aside, then walked up to the walker with his gun drawn. Beth quickly placed her hand on his arm and handed him her knife. Just in time, Xavier crammed the knife up the walker's skull.

"You're a smart girl" he said as he wiped the blade on the walker's shirt and handed it back to Beth. "Saves bullets."

Undisturbed, he went back to emptying his fruit cup. Beth hesitated for a second.

"Are you alone?" she asked.

He threw her a sideways glance.

"Hm… kinda, yeah" he eventually said. "You?"

Beth nodded, knowing there was no reason to lie. Besides, she wanted to hang on to the bit of information about her group being out there somewhere. She still knew too little about him.

"You said you're a doctor…" Beth started. He stopped eating and squinted his eyes at her again, though Beth didn't know why. He had told her so himself, so there was no reason to deny it.

"I used to be" he said, the amusement gone from his voice.

"What kind?" she asked.

"A psychiatrist."

Beth couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. It must have shown on her face.

"I did go to med school, just specialized into the human psyche afterwards."

Beth looked at him.

"So you know about brains too...?"

He chuckled.

"Well, not enough to know how to stop them from restarting after death and turning us into zombies."

Beth chewed on her lip, deciding how much she would trust him. Then, she got up and walked over to him.

"I need your help."

Xavier frowned a bit.

Instead of trying to tell the whole story, while having to decide what parts to tell and what to leave out – _and_ still be coherent to him, she parted her hair on her forehead and then on the top of her head to show him her scars.

He stepped closer to her, looking at her scars. He seemed confused.

"I was shot" she said, the first phrase she had mastered after learning to speak again.

"I survived" being the second.

He looked at her incredulously, as if she had just appeared to him out of thin air.

"Somebody shot _you_ in the head?!" he asked, as if he had known her forever.

Beth pursed her lips once more, her eyes not showing any sadness or hate. She had dealt with it all and still came out with the same general believe: there were still good people left in the world. And right now, she figured she was proven right.

His wide eyes went to the bullet she wore around her neck and a small smile played at his lips.

"But you survived and now you're standing here in front of me…"

Beth couldn't help but smile a little as well.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"Could you check if I'm alright?" she asked.

"Of course" he said and walked back towards the building.

Beth hesitated for a moment, then grabbed her backpack and shut the car door. Before she left, she covered her car with as much bushes and leaves she could and hurried after him without getting too dizzy.

* * *

Inside, he sat her down on a familiar hospital bed. He grabbed a kit from a cabinet and started his routine without further ado.

He shone a light into both her eyes and told her that her pupils were reacting properly. He checked her knees for the patellar reflex, checked her throat for signs of swelling and checked her blood pressure with a machine. Everything seemed to be fine.

Beth still didn't really feel any better. She didn't know what she had expected him to do, but she felt as if there could still be going anything wrong in her brain that he hadn't examined.

Still, she understood that he couldn't just cut her head open again to see if everything was alright and she trusted that as a doctor he knew what he was doing.

He noticed her apprehension to leave the bed anyway.

"Do you experience any complaints?" he asked.

"Just… some dizziness… Sometimes…"

"Lucy," he started and it reminded Beth of the false name she had given him. "You have been shot in the head. You've had major brain surgery. I can see you've only just recovered a bit and you're out here on your own again, surviving in the wild. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that you need to take it slow. Get some rest, make sure you drink enough and stay out of harm's way."

Beth bit her lip again. The scolding tone hadn't gone unnoticed by her and she knew she had been foolish and stupid to have left the hospital so soon. But then again, she had waited for a year. A year without her loved ones, while they were out there somewhere, not knowing she was alive.

"I can't" she said, knowing full well it wasn't what the doctor wanted to hear.

He shifted from one leg to the other, put his hands on his sides and cocked his eyebrow.

"Why the hell not?" he asked, but there was no anger in his tone, rather amusement at the surprising little thing he had found in the woods.

"Because there are people I need to get to" she confessed and felt embarrassed at lying so much to him, betraying his trust.

The smile fell from his lips.

"What people? You said you were alone" he countered quickly.

Beth still looked him in the eye, those dark round saucers that didn't look at her with pity or reproach, rather with amusement, challenging her to talk to him. Beth hated her own insecurity. Before she had been shot, she hadn't felt embarrassed by the choices she made, whether it was to trust him or not. But now, she felt stupid either way, fearing she was either being a terrible person by misguiding him, or a naïve young girl for trusting him at all.

"Yes" she responded eventually, hating the flushing in her face and chest, "But I was with people, before…"

"They left you after you'd been shot in the head?!"

"No! They… they thought I was dead."

"But you survived…" Xavier finished the story. He shook his head.

"That is amazing" he said in the same over the top manner he ate his fruit cup.

Beth grinned. Xavier stared at her with a smile around his lips, seemingly lost in thought. Beth averted her eyes, feeling shy. Though he had reminded her of Daryl a bit – broad shoulders, strong arms, childlike manner in a certain way – when Xavier let his gaze linger on her, it was different from when Daryl did. Where Daryl's looks made the heat rise in her cheeks and the butterflies flutter in her stomach, nothing in Xavier's look said he was interested in her like that. Or anyone for that matter. Though his looks did seem loving, in a melancholic kind of way.

"You should take some of that aspirin" he said after a while.

Beth briefly wondered if she shouldn't do it, if the aspirin was poisoned, or if as a doctor he knew that too much aspirin had certain negative effects on brain injuries, but she figured if she couldn't trust him, the man who had saved her and helped her almost non-stop since meeting her, then who was there?

She took a big gulp from her water, swallowed the pill and waited for things to go wrong, but they didn't. Xavier had started clearing away his medical tools and supplies.

"Do you know where your friends are?" he asked with his back turned to her. She sighed and shook her head. Though he couldn't see her, he figured out what her answer was.

"My last real lead was a community in Richmond. They weren't there" Beth told him.

He hesitated for a while, still keeping his back to her. Then he turned to face her briefly and gave her a reassuring smile.

"I'll go find you that t-shirt I promised."

Beth smiled at him as he walked out of the consulting room. He walked down the hallway to the left corridor. Beth hopped of the bed and started looking around. She walked back from the consulting room to the room she remembered taking the medication from the day before. She placed everything back where she had found it and took another look at the abundance of psychopharmaceuticals. Anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers… Before she could study the labels any closer, Xavier had already returned.

"If you're hoping to make those walkers become any friendlier by giving them mood stabilizers – I wouldn't bother."

She jumped when he spoke up, not having heard him enter.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snoop around. I just wanted to return the things I took yesterday."

"Thank you" Xavier said.

He handed her a black t-shirt. It was an old Aerosmith band shirt – a white skull and white letters on the front, the angel wings logo on the back. It was too big for her small frame, but only a little bit. So she rolled up the sleeves until they just covered her shoulders and top part of her arms and stuck the bottom of the shirt in the waistband of her jeans.

She put the remains of her yellow polo shirt in her backpack and Xavier had the decency not to ask why she kept it.

Beth knew it was time for her to leave. He had done more for her than she could have hoped and she still had to find her family. But something made her want to stay, just for a little bit. Just to replenish her strength again. She couldn't stop thinking of those beds she had seen yesterday. But she felt too shy and even embarrassed for thinking of overstaying her welcome. She knew she should be more assertive, less insecure. The people at Grady Memorial had told her the only way to regain her confidence was to practice, just like regaining her ability to walk and speak. But going on daily walks and runs had been a lot easier than finding situations to increase her confidence.

So she swung her backpack over her shoulder and walked over to the door. She stopped in front of him.

"Thank you for everything, doctor. I will never forget it, and I hope that one day I'll be able to return the favor."

Xavier nodded. Beth turned and started to walk towards the exit. She turned around one more time.

"Oh, and I'm sorry about yesterday, that I, that those men… I'm sorry for disturbing you."

She turned back and walked out of the building with determination. Xavier watched her go, sighed and called out to her.

"Lucy! Wait…"

Beth turned around and walked back quickly.

Xavier smiled a little.

"How am I ever going to be able to collect that favor if you're not around?"

Beth smiled a little.

Xavier turned and walked back inside, expecting Beth to follow him.

"I'm heading for Washington tomorrow. If you want, you could come with me."

Beth frowned as she thought about it for a moment.

"Your friends aren't anywhere around here, if that's what you're thinking…"

"How long have you been here?" she asked and hoped to gather as much information from his as she could.

Xavier shook his head.

"Not too long, but if a group of people lived around her somewhere, I would know of it. Trust me."

Beth looked at him, her eyes wide, deciding what to do. She sighed. He had been notably observant for the short period she had known him. He had been aware of her taking medication, had seen where those rapists had followed her and had known she had slept in the trunk of her car. Somehow, she did trust that he knew what was going on around these woods. She remembered the road she had ended up on after following the trail outside of Shirewilt, and knew it had gone in northern direction. Washington was as good a guess as any to look for her family. She would keep her eyes open along the way for signs of them, and if she didn't find them in the D.C. area, she could always circle back.

"Then I would like to come with you tomorrow. Thank you."


	8. Chapter 7: Angel

**Chapter Seven:** _ **Angel**_

Xavier gave Beth a quick tour of the facility. The right corridor had been for personnel, left for patients. He hadn't been able to get upstairs himself. He told her he remembered there were more bedrooms and therapy rooms. The water didn't run, the food was almost gone.

Beth liked it there.

That afternoon, they sat side by side on the steps that led to the front porch and ate a small bag of chips each. The sun was shining and Beth was glad to be able to rest for a day. She didn't mind the silence, but then Xavier cleared his throat and spoke up.

"So… 'Lucy', that short for something?" he started and Beth realized he must have been bored being here all by himself, happy that he now had someone to talk to. As she expected, her cheeks reddened as she was once again reminded of her lie.

Beth shook her head, knowing he expected an answer.

"I don't think so."

He looked at her with curious eyes, as if he felt that she had lied, but he didn't press the matter.

She hadn't meant to be curt, but talking about herself made her feel uncomfortable. She wrecked her brain for something else to talk about.

"You said those… men… interrupted you, when they… last night…" she started awkwardly. He cast her a sideways glance. Beth continued. "What were you doing?"

Her kind, large eyes waited patiently for him to answer as he stayed silent for a while. Then, he sighed.

"Today is the anniversary of my wife's death…" he said, casting his eyes back at the ground in front of the steps. "I was preparing something…"

Beth blinked. His light attitude and general independence had her fooled that nothing too tragic had happened to him yet.

"I'm sorry" she softly said.

"Yeah…" he sighed.

They were silent again for a little while. Then, Xavier spoke again.

"Those men, what they did to you, what they _almost_ did to you… How are you doing?"

He watched her as she responded, saw her tensing up and putting the mask in place.

She looked at him, a smile on her lips that didn't reach her eyes and nodded.

"I'm okay" she said and tried to sound reassuringly. She was fooling neither of them. He stared into her eyes for a bit longer until the smile disappeared and she cast her eyes down. Xavier looked back out onto the field again.

"You _will_ be okay" he stated. "You're strong. You're special."

Then he fell silent for a bit and Beth didn't know how to respond. Just as she thought he had forgotten what they had been talking about, he continued.

"I know you do, but you shouldn't _ever_ doubt yourself" he said with an urgency in his voice and then looked at her and she swore she saw tears brimming in his eyes. He smiled, but not the toothy smile when he had eaten that fruit cup. A small one.

"My wife was like you. She was strong too, but I saw her kindness as weakness. Others, they may have physical strength. Or cunning, or charisma to get people to do their bidding. But your strength is kindness…"

Beth listened to him. He was visibly emotional.

"Your kindness saved your life, Lucy" he said. "And your kindness will get you back to your people. You may be too good, but it is exactly what this world need right now, and that's why you will survive. The world won't let you die."

Beth pursed her lips. It felt like he could see straight through her and she figured he must have been a pretty decent psychiatrist.

She smiled at him and took his words to heart, but no matter how kind or insightful his words, she still felt uncomfortable talking about herself. So she changed the topic.

"You used to work here?" she asked.

His wistful mood seemed to disappear almost as quickly as it had come. He nodded.

"Yeah. I was actually at work when the epidemic started. I had to watch colleagues and patients being eaten by walkers…"

Beth thought about the people she had lost since it all started. Her mom and dad mostly. Would Maggie still be alive? She was kind too, surely the world would want to keep her around as well…

Xavier continued, to keep those dark thoughts from entering her mind.

"I managed to keep myself safe behind those electric doors, expecting we'd be rescued by the government within days."

Xavier chuckled.

"I think I waited there for three weeks before realizing they weren't going to save me. I watched the patients in the other corridor dying, one by one, either by the hands of walkers, or by each other's. There was nothing I could do about it."

Beth watched him as he relayed what had happened, clearly still shaken up by it. She scooted a little closer to him, nudging his knee with hers.

"Hey. It's okay. I know you did everything you could."

Xavier chuckled bitterly.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that" he said and was silent for a while before he continued. "In those weeks, I kept telling myself there was no way I could leave that small sanctuary behind those electric doors without being eaten by walkers that were gathering at every door and window. I told myself I couldn't get to the patient's corridor to save them, to get them the medication they needed. But then after those three weeks, groups came passing by the hospital. Groups from D.C. and other big cities and as I heard them plundering and raping and killing, suddenly, I _did_ find a way out…! I ran away and when I came back, everyone was dead."

Beth sighed. Her heart ached for him, a man she had known for less than 24 hours.

"You were scared. Everyone can understand that! No one had ever prepared any of us for dealing with the dead trying to eat us. We were all operating on our primal instincts back then. Just tryin' to survive…"

She remembered how she and her family had dealt with the apocalypse. She also remembered how wild the group of people had seemed as they first came to stay on the farm. She remembered being a little scared of them, of their harshness and of their lack of following the laws of common decency. But soon, she realized they needed them to survive. Everyone that wanted to survive, had to become harder.

She heard Xavier sigh next to her. She nudged his knee again, a little more playful this time.

"You may not have been able to save them, but you did save me, and that has got to count for something, right?"

She smiled at him and he couldn't keep the smile from forming on his face as well. He nodded.

He jumped up suddenly.

"Let's go for a little walk around the building, check if everything still looks good."

Beth stood up and stretched her legs.

* * *

As they walked around together, he asked her about the group she had been with. Beth told him a little about them. About her sister mostly. She didn't tell him about her time alone with Daryl. She wanted to keep that between her and him. Also, she was afraid Xavier would misinterpret things and think she was in love with Daryl – like a foolish young girl, and maybe he would get all realistic and tell her that she should be prepared for Daryl to be dead, or to have moved on to someone else and Xavier wouldn't respect her enough anymore to help her find them.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when they headed back inside to the common area. Xavier had fallen silent and Beth knew he must be thinking of his wife.

She got up from her couch.

"Hey, Xavier. You said you were preparing something, yesterday. For your wife?"

He looked back at her. Beth continued.

"Why don't you do it now. I'll give you some space, keep watch outside, make sure you're not disturbed again…"

He stayed silent for a while and Beth felt the color rising in her cheeks, fearing it was a stupid suggestion. But then he nodded.

"Thanks."

* * *

Beth sat on the steps, wondering whether she should have told Xavier more about her family and friends. Maybe he knew them. He seemed to know the D.C. area pretty well. And for all she knew, that was exactly where her group had gone. She hoped they had found some place safe, as she felt guilty thinking of how comfortable she had been living in the hospital compared to how they had to survive after fleeing the prison. She thanked everyone that was watching over her for getting her to a safe place like this, with a kind stranger to keep her company and actual beds to lay her head.

As if on cue, Xavier appeared from the door, carrying two cups of steaming bean soup. Beth took one from him.

They ate in silence for a while. Beth wanted to ask if he was okay, but she knew he probably had a lot on his mind after his service for his wife. Just like her, he wasn't okay at the moment, but he would be.

After dinner, even after a day where she hadn't done much else than eat and talk, Beth still felt herself getting tired. The long days and the physical and emotional stress were taking their toll on her still recovering body. Xavier noticed it.

"You should get some sleep" he said. "There's plenty of beds."

Beth hesitated.

"Only if you wake for my watch" she said.

Xavier smiled.

"That's not necessary. I'll lock this place up before I turn in for the night. No one's getting in or out."

Beth yawned and Xavier got up, no longer debating with her.

Beth got up after him and followed him to the room across from his. He disappeared and came back a minute later with some clean sheets that had been collecting dust in a cabinet somewhere.

Beth thanked him, they said 'goodnight' and then he left her alone in the room.

She made her bed, took off her shoes and belt, and put her backpack on the ground next to her pillow. The last rays of the sun still filtered through the curtains when she crawled under the covers and within a minute, she was out like a light.

* * *

In the middle of the night, she woke to a loud sound – a bang or a muffled clang. Not like a gunshot, but like something hitting something else. She got out of bed and saw that it was dark outside. She strapped on her belt that held her knife and gun.

"Xavier?" she called out softly as she walked into the corridor.

She pushed the door to his room open further than it had already been, but he wasn't there. Beth grabbed her gun from the holster and walked around the building, trying to find where the sound was coming from and simultaneously praying that Xavier was okay.

She searched the staff area and the common area first, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. Then she went further into the patient's corridor. She softly pushed each door open, searched under the bed and inside closets for intruders. She found nothing. No one.

As she made her way to the last room, she felt as if she was being watched. However nervous she was, she clung to the words Xavier had said to her: The world needs good so you will keep surviving.

The last room was empty too. She had reached the end of the hallway and was just planning on turning around to leave when her face fell on a framed old newspaper article with picture on the wall. She grabbed it and looked at it. It showed two people; one of them a younger version of the man she was currently trying the find, wearing a track suit, and the other a greying man wearing a white doctor's coat over his suit.

The title read:

 _"Finding Inner Peace at Appalachia Psychiatric Hospital"_

Beneath the picture, the caption said: _"Dr. Xavier Stevens and his patients see the benefits of the peaceful new facility._ "

Beth quickly skimmed the text, trying to make sense of it all.

". _.. Where people with a diversity of mental issues can find treatment …_ "

Suddenly, there was a voice behind her.

"I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I treated a patient that liked dressing up as a doctor, do you?"

Beth turned around slowly, to see Xavier – or whatever his actual name was, standing there, holding a bloody baseball bat that had been wrapped in barb wire.

"I'm sorry I woke you" he said, not addressing the fear on her face. "I heard a walker and decided to put it down before it would wake you too, but I must have been too loud."

Beth looked down at the baseball bat.

"You were right the other day not to use a gun. We should save our ammo" he explained.

Beth nodded.

"Yeah."

'Xavier' sighed and turned to walk away.

"Can we get out of this creepy hallway, it's making everything look worse than it is."

Beth followed him back, her hand hanging quasi-mindlessly over her gun.

"Please don't shoot me" Xavier said without having turned to look at her.

They went back to the common room and each sat down on a sofa.

'Xavier' seemed very uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed even.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way…" he started apologetically. "It's just, I haven't come across many people. Even less that were worth getting to know. And I was afraid that if I told you this straight away, you would leave – or worse. I didn't want you to go, and being a doctor usually gets people to trust you. Though I see now how wrong I was in your case."

He smiled a small smile, in hopes of lightening the mood. Beth however was still on edge. He continued his explanation.

"A couple of years back, when that photo was taken, long before this all happened, I was a patient here. I…" he stammered and Beth noticed his discomfort. He took a deep breath, and continued.

"The reason I was in here, and I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you actually, was that I… had tried to kill myself."

Beth looked at him. He avoided her eyes, seemingly nervous.

"I know" he chuckled, "already hated life before all this, what's keeps me from checking out now?"

Beth instinctively placed her hand over her scarred wrist, but didn't say anything. 'Xavier' didn't seem to notice it as he continued opening up.

"What can I say, they kept me going I guess. I changed. I became stronger. I knew I wanted to live."

From the corner of his eye, he watched how Beth responded to him.

"But then… After the world changed… My wife died - turned. And… I once again I felt like I couldn't handle it on my own anymore. So I came here, knowing it was the one place where I had a chance of getting through it. But then, the same thing happened here. Walkers came, people turned. We wanted to run, but the staff had closed off all patient wards. We were trapped inside while they were being evacuated by the military. No one came for us, they just left us."

Beth watched him as he relived what had happened to him. She knew the feelings he talked about. She knew how it felt to know you're weaker than others. That you are a burden to them. She knew she should thank her lucky stars that her group had taken her with them when they had, because worse people would have left her after her suicide attempt.

"I'm sorry" she said. "About your wife, about what happened to you."

He smiled a weak smile.

Beth relaxed a bit.

"So… What is your real name?"

He looked up at her, a small smile but stronger than the one before.

"Negan" he said and Beth smiled.

"That's probably even a less common name than Xavier."

Negan chuckled.

"Not where I'm from…"

* * *

The next morning, Beth found Negan outside the hospital with a motorcycle Daryl would probably be jealous of.

"Morning" he called out to her.

"Morning" she greeted back.

He walked up to her.

"So, you still wanna come with?" he asked. "I mean I get it if you don't, but the offer still stands."

Beth gave him a reassuring smile.

"As far as I'm concerned, nothing has changed" she said and went to grab her backpack.

She was actually strangely relieved by his nightly confession. Somehow, she had always felt that there was something wrong with 'Xavier' and she was glad it had just been this. She hadn't told him about her own suicide attempt, but somehow she felt like he knew she understood him and didn't judge him.

They ate a quick breakfast before heading off and agreed that once they arrived in the area, they would temporarily part ways. Negan had told her he had to be somewhere where he couldn't take her, and Beth had wanted to scan the area herself anyway, maybe making some inquiries or finding some signs that her family had been there.

They drove for two hours. Negan had offered her his leather jacket and while she had declined at first, after they stopped for a peeing break, she was cold enough to take him up on his offer.

Beth tried to focus on her surrounding, trying to find clues of where her family might've gone. She remembered Maggie's messages to Glenn along the tracks and while those had hurt her a little bit at the time, she would very much like to see those now.

But when Negan slowed his bike down and they arrived at the point where they would have to part ways, she hadn't found anything that could tell her where her group was.

As she took of his jacket and handed it back to him, she wished they didn't have to part at all. She had had half a mind to ask him the group's three questions and invite him to stay with them, but she didn't know if they still did that, and if they would approve of her bringing someone else after being presumed dead. Besides, she didn't know if Negan was better off with her group than on his own. He seemed to be doing alright for himself and maybe just visiting each other every now and then was enough. She would wait until she actually found her group, before getting his hopes up with no way of knowing if she was setting him up for disappointment.

Beth lingered a little bit. She wanted to hug him, but feared that it would be too forward of her. Negan didn't seem any better at this than she.

"Alright, you be careful. There's a lot of dangerous people out here. Make sure no one you don't know sees you. If you haven't found your friends, meet me here along this road in about six hours" he said and showed her the road on his map for the umpteenth time that day.

Beth looked up at the sky and hoped she would be able to tell the time with nothing but the sun to guide her. Negan looked at her, sighed and reached into his pocket to retrieve a watch.

"Here" he said. "But don't go get yourself killed or taken hostage or anything like that, because I'd like to get that back."

They shared a final smile before Negan revved the engine and drove off.

Beth sighed, looked around and started to walk north along the Potomac river, looking for signs of her friends.

* * *

Exactly five hours later, Beth hadn't found any signs that her family was around there at all. She tried to be optimistic, thinking that it was a large area and she had just searched a small part, but in the back of her mind she wondered if she should have stayed in Richmond.

Beside the fact that here family was nowhere to be found, she hadn't come across anyone that seemed unthreatening enough to talk to. Groups of people, mostly men, drove over the country roads, and all where carrying large guns. So she had minded Negan's advice and had ducked of the road into the woods every time she heard someone coming.

Her search had exhausted her and she figured she should spend the last hour of it making sure she would be at the rendezvous in time.

She arrived a little early and decided she was better of waiting in the cool shade of the forest than the heat of the sun. She had noticed more cars driving up and down this road and she figured a settlement must be nearby. But Negan hadn't picked this spot randomly and Beth trusted he had good reasons for them to meet up along the road, rather than at that settlement.

When he didn't show at the agreed upon time, she started to worry. What should she do if he didn't come back? Had this just been his cowardly way of ditching her? Why had she trusted he would come back for her? Because he had given her an old watch?

She stepped out of the woods and looked around. Should she go to that settlement where all those gunmen kept coming from?

She stepped back into the woods again, getting away from the heat, and just as she decided she would be best off to stay in the forest for now, she heard the sound of a motorcycle coming towards her.

She waited until it the sound had died down, indicating that the motorcycle had stopped and Beth snuck up to it from behind the trees and bushes. Then, she recognized the man on top of it and felt relief flow through her veins as she stepped out of the forest smiling.

"There you are, I was beginning to think you had run off with my watch" Negan joked with a smile on his lips.

"You thought _I_ had run off? I've been waiting here for ages!" she quipped back and walked further up to him as he chuckled. Then, on an impulse, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders for a brief hug, glad that he had come back for her. Negan didn't seem to know what to with her sign of affection. He just tipped his head back shortly, motioning for her to get on the bike. Beth climbed on, and clutched onto his torso as he drove off.

He drove past the compound where Beth figured all those patrols must have come from and took her to a small house at the dead end of a back road. The house was packed with supplies: Food, water, medication. Guns.

When Beth asked about why he had so many of them, he told her about the war that had been going on in the area for almost a year. He told her how he had managed to get by by trading things. He told her there were a few groups around, though he said he didn't know exactly who belonged to which, and they were constantly at war. He had to risk his life every single day, but he had found a way to handle the animosity, to communicate with a few of those groups.

Beth asked if she could accompany him on his trading missions to see if any of the groups had seen or heard anything of her family.

"Absolutely not" Negan had said. The people around here weren't human anymore. They would kill her just to hurt him.

So they stayed inside for the night and when Beth woke up the next morning, after having slept in, Negan had already left on one of his trading expeditions.

He had left her a note:

"Stay inside. Don't open up for anyone. Have whatever you like. I'll be back soon."

So Beth stayed inside for a while, eating her breakfast, doing some of the exercises she had done back at the hospital. Eventually, she found herself staring out of the window.

She had found herself once again in the middle of a war. Though she had still felt a ripple of fear when Negan told her the people around here had become inhuman in their actions, she also felt angry that it were still the crazy, bloodthirsty people that ruled places like these. She hoped dearly that if her group was around here somewhere, they were far enough from all this to be able to stay out of it. But she still had to find them, and she'd be damned if she let herself be terrorized by fear.

She would look around for a short while, getting back before Negan knew it.

With her knife and her gun safely at her hips, she snuck out and into the woods unseen…

Or so she thought.

"Lucy…, Lucy…, Lucy…"

Shocked, Beth spun around and saw Negan coming towards her, shaking his head with a smile on his face. Beth tried her best not to look too guiltily.

"You can't make me stay…" she teased quasi-casually. Negan grinned and swirled that ridiculous bat around.

"Certainly not by threatening me. If that _is_ what you're trying to accomplish with baton twirling" Beth said acting unimpressed.

Negan's smile didn't falter as he stepped up close to her.

"You're gonna get yourself killed" he said in a low voice.

Beth stared back at him, unmoved.

"I can't die, remember?" she said lightly and walked past him towards the house. "The world won't let me."

Negan followed her and before she stepped back inside, she swore she heard him call her an angel.

* * *

They bickered a little while longer about whether or not Beth should go out and explore the vicinity. Eventually, they reached a compromise where he would take her to the Chesapeake Bay to look for her friends. It was actually not the worst idea for them to have gone to the coast.

And so they drove along the coast towns all afternoon, stopping wherever Beth wanted to to ask if anyone had seen or heard from her family. Beth didn't have any pictures to show people, so she tried being as specific as she could. And though she felt Negan's knowing glance on her when she described the strong bowman in her group for the umpteenth time that day, she told herself it was because a crossbow was an unusual weapon and easily remembered.

* * *

It was early in the evening as they drove back in silence. Negan seemed more quiet than usual. Beth felt uncomfortable. Either he had figured out she wasn't special, just another girl looking for her crush, or he felt bad that they hadn't found her any solid leads. It didn't even occur to her that this had been the first time Negan had heard her describe the members of her group so vividly.

"Today was good" she said to herself to break the silence. "At least now we know they're not there. Besides, I liked seeing the water…"

She smiled and rolled down the car window, moving her arm up and down as if her hand was gliding over waves of air and Negan sped up a bit more.

Just as Beth started to recognize her surroundings again, Negan spoke up for the first time during the ride.

"I need to stop by a friend of mine."

"Okay" Beth said, glad that he had broken his vow of silence. Secretly, she was curious to see what kind of friends he had.

Her curiosity turned more to unease when she noticed he drove towards the compound she had watched cars full of heavily armed men coming from all the time.

He pulled up in front of the gate, and swung his car door open.

A skinny white guy with greasy blond hair, that only covered a bit of the burned skin on the side his face, came jogging to the gate. He threw her a short glance before focusing his attention back on Negan.

Negan stepped out of the car and leaned on his door as he spoke to his friend whose shifty eyes kept glancing in her direction. Beth couldn't overhear them, but it was only a short chat. Negan watched him for a sec as the guy walked back inside. Beth had a bad feeling about this place and that guy, and watched Negan as he felt completely at ease. As she turned back to watch the guy leave, she swore she saw the same angel wings on the back of his vest she had pressed her face against when she had held the man that she so desperately wanted to find. Before she could take a good look however, he had already gone back inside.

Negan turned to look at her and noticed her confusion.

"What d'you think of my friend?" he asked teasingly.

"I dunno" she started. "What's up with him? What is this place?" she asked, her confusion and unease battling for dominance.

Negan laughed out loud.

"Yeah, he's a real charmer" he said, paying no mind to her latter question. "I could get him to come back if you want, so you can get to know him a bit better…" Negan teased.

Beth felt embarrassed for insulting his friends over something her desperate mind had just imagined. She threw him a look and smiled in embarrassment.

"Ha ha. Let's get outta here" she said and Negan smirked at her obvious unease as she started rolling up her window.

Then, Negan heard a loud shouting coming from behind. He turned his head to locate where it was coming from and watched the guy Lucy had been describing to people all day – _and the man he had his people looking all over for_ – throw himself over the edge of the cliff on the side of the road.

 _Daryl_.

Negan smirked. His suspicions had been confirmed. This angel that had come onto his path would do him even more good than he had hoped.

Quickly, he got back into the car.

"… late for dinner" he heard Beth finish her sentence.

"I think we have something left if you're hungry" he said as he backed the car up as fast as he could.

Beth shrugged. Negan turned the car to face the right direction and in his rearview mirror he saw Daryl pick himself up from the side of the road.

"I think there's something in the glove compartment there" he said.

As she rummaged through it – finding another handgun but no food – he hit the gas and drove away as fast as he could, until the man running after them disappeared from his view.

* * *

That night, during their late dinner, Negan was silent again and Beth wondered if it had anything to do with the chat he had had with his 'friend'. She was no fool and she knew that those men at that compound were up to no good, and she couldn't really believe a guy like Negan would be friends with them. But still, a gnawing doubt remained.

Before she went to sleep, Negan came to check up on her. He stood in the doorway as she sat on her bed.

"How would you feel if I asked you to accompany on my trip through the area tomorrow?" he asked her.

Beth grinned back at him. "I thought you'd never ask."

Negan smiled and nodded, then turned around and left.

The next day, he took her back to his friend's building and switched his old car for a fancy new car. It had decent air conditioning and luxury seats and it looked amazing.

As Beth saw it her eyebrows nearly hit her hairline. Negan just shrugged.

"Figured if we were going to drive around town all day, we might as well do it comfortably and in style."

He pressed the button in his hands and the car doors unlocked. After years of surviving with just the bare minimum, to Beth it felt like she was living the life of a royalty.

* * *

They drove around the area and Beth recognized some of the places she had traveled through on foot. Negan had told her he wouldn't stop the car and she wasn't allowed to get out, because they were heading in dangerous territory, but he would drive slowly so they wouldn't miss anything they could see from the road. So Beth looked out of the windows intently, searching for signs like chopped of heads or bolts sticking out of walker's eye balls, and Negan seemed to be searching just as thoroughly as she.

But they found no clues that day and Beth once again wondered if she stayed in the area because she was convinced her family was there, or because she didn't want to leave the safety and companionship Negan provided.

But as Beth's morale started to drop, Negan's only improved. Even as they ate their dinner that night, with nothing to show for their day of searching, Negan seemed dead set on finding them and was convinced that another day out on the road together would make a difference.

Beth sighed.

"I dunno…" she started. "I was thinking that maybe I should go back to Richmond. There may be more clues there that I missed…"

Negan frowned.

"Your giving up so soon?" he asked. Beth pursed her lips.

"I'm not giving up, I'm just rethinking my strategy" she said defiantly.

"There's still a lot of ground to cover around here. What's wrong with staying a little longer?" Negan asked.

Doubt was clear on Beth's face.

"I figured since you now more or less know what and who to look for… We would cover more ground if I went back and you kept an eye out for them around here."

Negan leaned back and huffed quasi-indignantly.

"If you've had enough of me you could've just said so."

Beth couldn't stop a smile from spreading on her face, nor the blush that followed at the thought of Negan actually believing she was anything like that.

"No...!" she chuckled lightly. "No, I would hate to be on my own again."

"Then stay" he said. "One more day."

Beth looked at him and nodded.

"Alright" she decided.

"Good" Negan said as he stood to clear the table. "'Cause I need you with me in the car tomorrow."

Beth looked at him questioningly.

"I've grown used to you" he admitted. "I'd be bored to death being all by myself all day."

Beth got up as well.

"I doubt that. You could listen to yourself talking all day long" she said teasingly and left the room.

* * *

The smile fell from her lips as soon as she lay down on her bed. Chances were, she would never see her family again. She was sure she wouldn't find them tomorrow, but she stayed because she realized that sooner or later, she would have to decide if she would keep looking for them forever, or if she should build a new life with Negan.

As she drifted off to sleep, the decision was already made. She would search high and low for her loved ones until her last dying breath.

* * *

The next day Beth got inside the car again with no idea of the surprise that awaited her that day.

Though _another_ unsuccessful and on top of that uneventful trip was getting her down, Negan was still in the brightest of moods. As he noticed her staring out of the window wistfully, he came up with something that might cheer her up, unaware of the game-changing surprise they were about to encounter.

"Hey" he said and opened the compartment beneath his armrest. Beth looked at him expectantly as he fumbled to get a round wallet out of it, throwing it to her.

It landed on Beth's lap and she opened it. A smile crept on her face and a gleam returned to her eyes as she flipped through at least a dozen CD's. They were all burned CD's with no real titles, just names like "Running Tracks", "Lounging and Relaxing", "Songs for Cooking" and "Setting the Mood".

"The CD player still works" Negan added. Beth grabbed one that she figured suited her mood.

"Blowing off steam" started to play and Beth heard the first chords to AC/DC's _You Shook Me All Night Long._

She smiled and Negan started drumming along on the steering wheel as sped up some more. He started whistling and Beth moved her head and body to the music as she browsed through the CD's. It had been too long since she heard music at all.

Then suddenly, Negan fell silent and hit the breaks as he steered the car of the road and parked it in the field.

He sighed and as Beth looked at him, eyes wide with shock, she thought she saw him repress a smile.

But then he looked at her with a deadly serious look.

"Stay in the car" he ordered over the loud music that still played, then added. "Don't worry."


	9. Chapter 8: Depression

**Chapter eight:** _ **Depression**_

With a jolt, Daryl woke up in sweat, tears streaming down his face. His sheets were damp with sweat and his pillow lay propped up against the wall from all his trashing around.

He tried to calm his heavy, labored breathing and his frantically beating heart.

 _It had been a dream_.

 _Negan didn't have Beth._

 _Beth wasn't alive._

He fell back on his make-shift mattress and though no sobs or sounds came, tears still rolled down the sides of his face.

 _It had felt so real._

He figured he must have slept for about three hours. This time. A new record.

But no matter for how long – or rather short – he slept, as soon as he drifted off the same dream visited him. And every time it felt so real. Every time he felt the same relief at seeing her face again; alive, unharmed, fighting her way back to him. And every time he felt the same anger, the same fear as Negan appeared in his dream, turning it into a nightmare, as he took her away from him.

And every time he felt the same devastating heartbreak as he woke up and realized none if it had been real.

She hadn't been real.

Rick had ordered him to stay inside and had everyone keep an eye on him, to make sure he did as he was told. But they shouldn't have bothered, because he had nowhere he wanted to go, nowhere he wanted to be, and he felt himself longing to fall asleep, for just the short moment in his dreams where everything was going to be alright again.

He could take the nightmares that followed his dreams, but he couldn't handle the nightmare that was his reality. So he figured he would sleep for as long as he could, until he wouldn't wake up anymore.

* * *

He had no idea what time it was, hadn't bothered to look outside the window again, hadn't gotten out of bed the entire day, when someone knocked on his door.

Daryl stopped sobbing and hoped whomever it was hadn't heard it as he quickly dried the tears from his swollen eyes.

Rick stood in the doorway, a pained expression on his face.

They stared at each other for a while, clearly unsure how to handle the situation. Eventually, with all he had, Daryl dragged himself from his bed and got up.

Rick watched him as he swept some hair from his face and stared back at him, not hiding his broken state.

Rick inhaled deeply.

"We're making good progress with building up our forces" he said, not bothering to ask Daryl how he was doing after having heard the sobs and cries coming from the attic all day. Daryl wasn't okay and Rick knew there was nothing he could do about it, aside from trying to keep him distracted for a little while. Maybe Carol could help him, Rick had thought and after hearing another heartbreaking "No...!" cried out loud, he had made his way upstairs.

Daryl stood hunched and looked at the ground. Rick continued.

"We're going to attack, soon, the plan has been set in motion."

Daryl didn't seem to care one way or the other. Rick knew there had to be some fight left in the guy he called his brother.

"We could still use Ezekiel though" he confessed, his hands confidently on his hips, but nervously shifting from one leg to the other. "Carol could persuade him to join us. I need you to persuade her."

Daryl looked up.

"Hm" he grunted and walked past Rick out the door.

Rick followed him and caught up with him downstairs.

Michonne exchanged a concerned look with him as Daryl pulled the bandage around his black eye loose and dropped the ice pack that had lost its purpose a few hours ago.

Before anyone could say anything, Daryl had grabbed his crossbow and was heading out, a numbness in him making him neither relieved nor reluctant to go to Carol.

* * *

As he approached her cabin, he remembered how only days ago, he had chosen to keep her out of it. He realized now that if he let her stay out of it, and any of their friends got killed during their attack on the Saviors, she would feel the same devastating guilt as he did now, and he couldn't let that happen to her.

Dead set on convincing her to talk to Ezekiel, his trembling hands knocked on her door. As she opened up, her face changed from annoyance, to joy, to concern.

Daryl knew what he looked like. Battered and bruised, bloodshot eyes, hair wild, covered in sweat and dirt, skinny and trembling.

"What has happened to you" she asked as she ushered him inside. She set him down on a chair but as she went to the kitchen, he stood up again.

"'M fine" he said.

Carol came back with a bottle of water and some meat sandwiches.

He took them from her hands eagerly and wolfed them down without bothering to sit back at the table. She watched him with concern still in her eyes.

"'M fine!" he uttered again with a full mouth.

"Please, Daryl, come sit down for a bit" she asked. He remained standing and eyed her suspiciously. He hated how everyone assured him " _they_ _got how he felt_ ", but still treated him as if he was completely insane.

"We can't sit around, Carol. Not 'nymore."

She sighed and stood up, coming to stand right in front of him. It took him off guard and he moved back a little bit. She looked him straight in the eyes, but his kept shifting around nervously, eventually landing on his feet.

"What's going on with you, Daryl?"

He knew she was just concerned, and he knew she meant well, but he just couldn't take it anymore.

"With _me_?! You're the one that's hidin' out here waitin' to be killed!" he spat at her. He felt the anger rising inside of him.

"You wanna know what's goin' on with me? I'll tell you what! I've had to watch people take everythin' we had, terrorizing our group! I've been shot in the shoulder, getting' patched up only so they could beat me up again. Then," he continued as his voice broke and tears started to well up in his eyes. "they lined me up with the rest of the group, and that sonofabitch said he was gonna kill one of us, and we couldn't say nothing about it…"

Carol listened as dread filled in her eyes. Daryl looked back up at her.

"Abraham and Glenn are dead, Carol!" he shouted and knew it shocked her. "He bashed their heads in with a baseball bat with barb wire all around it. Pieces of their brains comin' back up after he slammed it down on their skulls…"

He was crying now, and shouting, purposely trying to upset her. Carol closed her eyes as she let it all sink in. She heard him sobbing loudly, gasping for air in between.

"And it's my fault! Glenn's dead because of me...!"

He cried and Carol opened her eyes again to see a grief-stricken little boy unable to cope with the hurt and horror the world had thrown him.

She stepped up closer and wrapped her arms around him. Instead of being angry, she held him close to her and soothed him while he cried.

"He's taken everything" he choked out through his tears. "… And Beth…"

Though he didn't elaborate, Carol knew he was still struggling with her death as well. As she held his shaking body and stroked his messy hair, Carol knew that she couldn't keep hiding out here, she had to step up. So as soon as his sobs died down and he exhaled deeply, Carol pulled him close one more time.

"I get it. Let's go find Ezekiel" she said determinedly and let him go.

* * *

All those emotional outbursts were proving to be exhausting, and Daryl welcomed the numbness that washed over him afterwards.

He felt strangely calm as they walked up to Ezekiel's throne room together.

As they entered, Carol looked straight at Ezekiel, while Daryl's eyes found those of the tiger. She shifted her position and Daryl forced himself to look at the so-called king.

"Behold!" Ezekiel called out. "Two of the bravest fighters of our time… Be welcome, my friends…" he said and sat back down on his throne.

Before Daryl could get annoyed, Carol had spoken up.

"Yeah, let's talk in private" she said and added "my king" to satisfy his faithful steward Jerry, who was dismissed immediately after.

They waited until he had left the room and Daryl walked up to the tiger, paying close attention to her and feeling himself calm down in her presence.

Carol and Ezekiel watched him for a moment, but quickly turned their attention back on each other.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Ezekiel asked as he got up from his throne and walked off his stage.

"Have you talked to Rick, recently?" Carol asked.

Ezekiel shook his head.

"Not after he came looking for that one" he said and nodded towards Daryl, who was still watching Shiva from up close.

Carol smiled a little.

" _That one_ has told me Rick asked you to join his attack on the Saviors" she said. "And you said no."

Ezekiel sighed.

"I did. Rick calls it an attack, but it will most likely become a war. I admire his courage, but this is not something the Kingdom can help him with."

For the first time, Daryl directed his attention to him.

"You have trained people, you have more of an organized army than any of the groups joining us" he countered. It peaked Ezekiel's interest.

"There are more people joining you? Other than from Alexandria?"

"Mhm" Daryl answered, glad that he was getting somewhere. "The Hilltop is in, and Rick found a group of people living at a dumping ground."

Ezekiel digested that piece of information.

"It will be an all-out war" he mumbled. "Best case scenario: Anarchy will ensue."

"What?" Daryl grunted, once again annoyed.

Shiva roared.

Ezekiel shook his head and Carol eyed him suspiciously.

"Listen, Ezekiel, I get why you're skeptical. But Rick knows what he's doing…" Carol tried to assure him.

Ezekiel thought it over.

"Rick I have met, it's not him that I'm worried about… Well, at least not the most. Who are those other groups? Why are they so eager to fight?" he asked out loud.

Daryl hopped from one leg to the other, getting more and more impatient. Carol threw him a pleading glance so he held his tongue for a bit longer.

"Come on, Ezekiel. You know why they do it… We're all in the same boat here" Carol tried to reason with him.

"But that's just the thing" Ezekiel quipped back. "We're not. _We_ have a truce, an understanding of sorts. We actually have something to lose…"

Daryl came a few steps towards him.

"And we don't 'cause they took every goddamn thing from us! And they gonna take it from you too. You're just to blind to see it!" he shouted.

Shiva roared as well and got up.

Ezekiel scolded the tiger while Carol threw Daryl an equally scolding look. Both tigers stayed quiet for the time being.

Carol looked back at Ezekiel.

"I get it, I do. You think you know where you stand with the Saviors, and you don't know what will happen after they're defeated. But Daryl is right. Either we do something now, or they will start taking away everything you have, bit by bit."

He stepped closer to Carol.

"Even if you're right" he said in a hushed voice. "I don't know if those other groups will be any better than the Saviors."

Carol opened her mouth to reassure him, but he cut her off.

"Carol, hear me out. I know you, and I trust you. Rick too, up to a certain point. I know you try to stay away from all that fighting just as much as I do. But not everyone is like that…" he said and waited until his words had settled with her.

"My people have peace now. I don't want to risk that."

Carol knew she was losing this discussion.

"What if I told you the leaders of all the groups have all agreed to be present when they arrest Negan and have him tried according to the law?" she tried.

Ezekiel smiled a little.

"That's a promising start, and if you need people to act as judge, jury, prosecution or defense council, I will gladly help out. But that's getting ahead of ourselves. The way to that point will be a lot less civilized, and a lot more blood will be spilled."

Shiva paced from left to right, feeling the tension rise in the room.

"That's just why we came to you...!" Carol said, her frustration temporarily getting the better of her, but quickly regaining control again. "That's what we came to ask you for help" she repeated, softer this time.

"We have a powerful army already, but with the Kingdom's forces we will outnumber them. They will know that there's no point to fighting, and we will accept their defeat. No unnecessary blood has to be spilled."

Ezekiel took a step back.

"I hope you're right about that. But blood _will_ be spilled. And I can't let it be my people's blood."

Daryl walked up to him with large strides.

"You're planning on just standing by while other people do all your dirty work?! Then all our blood will be on _your_ hands!"

"Daryl…" Ezekiel tried to calm him, to no avail.

Behind them, Shiva strechted her body and roared loudly, her chains clinging with her movements.

"You're just gonna profit from every one of us riskin' everything we have left…?!" Daryl continued, getting more and more worked up. "Lose our friends and family?!"

"I'm not asking you to do that…" Ezekiel said calmly.

"Well it's gonna happen and you know it!" Daryl spat at him. "The only thing you need to decide is who's side you're gonna be on when it goes down...!"

Ezekiel turned to face him, unwavering, as Daryl pointed his finger intimidatingly in his face.

"Don't you see, Daryl" Ezekiel said, "that by forcing me to join your troops in order to assure my freedom, you're doing the exact same thing as Negan?"

Carol had closed her eyes, knowing Daryl wouldn't take this well.

"What did you say to me?!" Daryl shouted. "Goddamn asshole!"

He threw a loose chair across the room, grabbed his bow and had half a mind to put a bolt in Ezekiels brain, but Carol's eyes caught his and he restrained himself enough to storm off.

"Fuck you and fuck this goddamned shithole!"

Behind him, Shiva roared, stretched and pulled the pole she was chained to straight from the stage. She jumped of the stage, dragging the pole behind her and roared loudly.

Carol backed away, Ezekiel tried to calm her down, but Daryl didn't so much as look back as he kicked the door open and pushed his way through the crowd of idiots.

While people were already scared of Daryl's rage while he walked straight for the gate, thrashing everything in his way, they screamed with fear when Shiva came running out of the same door and followed Daryl on his path of destruction.

The chaos that ensued made it easy for Daryl to leave without repercussions and though he wished Shiva could have escaped as well, he knew a tiger wouldn't last a second out here.

He figured it was a miracle that _he_ himself had lasted as long as he did, having been able to keep his temper in check for longer than he could remember. But no more.

For months, they had all lived in fear. They had allowed him to take whatever he wanted, to make their lives a living hell. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why it took them so long to fight. Bunch of pussies, all of them.

He wasn't going to wait for them anymore. If it came down to him, he would take the sonofabitch out, even if it meant getting himself killed as well. He had nothing left to live for anyway.

The anger coursed through his veins, the numbness from before still clouding everything else and he muttered to himself as he walked along the road back to Alexandria. He knew he should walk through the forest, he knew he should be more careful to stay out of sight – but he just couldn't care anymore.

* * *

Seemingly out of nowhere, a car approached him fast from behind, just as Daryl stepped of the road to cross the field on his way back to Alexandria. The car passed him and despite his anger, Daryl hoped whomever had driven the silent sports car hadn't spotted him. He went back to brooding as he stalked through the field, but as soon as he rounded the corner, he noticed that the fancy car had gone off road and was parked twenty yards from him, and its driver was coming towards him.

* * *

"Stay in the car" Negan had said, and "Don't worry."

It had been barely audible above the loud music that was still playing, and before Beth could have asked what was going on, he had left the car and locked the doors again.

Beth cursed and pressed pause to stop the music from blaring through the car's speakers.

She looked around, trying to figure out why Negan had stopped here all the sudden. She didn't see anything in front of her, nor to her right, nor her left, but as she turned around to see where Negan had gone off to, her heart seemed to stop.

She saw Negan's leather jacket-clad back, his arms raised in defense and behind him a battered and bruised, dirt and sweat stained, pale, _perfect_ man pointing his crossbow at him.

Daryl!

Beth struggled to open her door, but it wouldn't budge. She tried the one on the driver's side, without luck. She crawled back onto the backseat, fumbling with all her might to open one of the doors or maybe the trunk, but to no avail.

She pounded at the windows, trying to get either of the men's attention.

Meanwhile, Daryl had spotted Negan walking up to him, his arms wide, showing him he hadn't brought any weapons.

"Oomph, Daryl, you look like hell…!"

Daryl raised his bow, pointing it straight between the other man's eyes.

"You alright? You seem a little shaky" Negan teased.

Daryl noticed he was right. His arms were shaking and his mind was clouded. Angrily, he drew, aimed and placed his finger on the trigger.

He was about to fire when Negan spoke up again.

"Aren't you curious why I haven't killed you during all this fumbling of yours?"

Daryl narrowed his eyes, trying not to let Negan's words get to him.

"I didn't even bring any weapons, don't you wanna know why…?"

Daryl hesitated for just a second longer, willing his hands to keep steady and his vision to stay clear.

"Naw" he said then with sheer determination. But right as he pulled the trigger, a banging sound drew his attention to Negan's parked car.

Wide blue eyes stared at him in utter horror and shock, as his arrow missed its target.

He blinked ferociously, looking back at Negan angrily.

Negan was still looking over his shoulder, and turned back to look at Daryl.

"I know it's a great car and all, but if you ever want to be successful in life, you can't let things like that distract you from taking out your arch enemy…" Negan said scoldingly.

Daryl didn't even register what he was saying.

"Beth" he breathed and looked over to the girl in the car, shaking her head as he drew his bow again.

"No…"

It was all mumbled, but enough for Negan to have understood what he had said and to have heard the pain in Daryl's voice. He smiled, deviously.

"Would you _look_ at that…" he said drawing out his words. "I think you're finally gonna wanna hear what I have to say. Ain't that right, Daryl?"

Daryl averted his eyes. He took a few angry steps toward Negan, the bolt still trained on his forehead.

"Get her out of the car! NOW!" he barked.

But Negan kept standing where he stood and laughed.

"Your angel is in _my_ car? Wow, that's some shitty luck. Pretty messed up mind you've got there, Daryl."

Confusion started to cloud Daryl's mind. His gaze shifted between the laughing man in front of him and the scared girl in the car.

 _She was real, right?_

"What are you talkin' about?" Daryl growled, hoping to sound dangerous but knowing full well Negan heard the vulnerability in his voice.

Negan stopped smiling.

"You see an angel, right?" he asked and Daryl just blinked as he tried not to show this guy anything that was going on inside of him. Negan continued.

"You've seen her before and you see her now, clear as day."

Daryl looked back over to Beth who had turned back to climb back in the front seats, and he noticed the white wings on the back of her shirt.

His face fell, the anger replaced with the same fear he felt every time in his nightmares, and he knew the heartbreak would soon follow as well. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other nervously.

Negan smiled again.

"Let me guess, you've found a friend in our good lord Jesus as well?"

Daryl frowned. Beth was now pounding at the car windows with all her might, trying to break the glass, but whether it was because she wasn't real or just not strong enough; the windows wouldn't budge.

Negan watched eagerly as Daryl was falling apart, enjoying every moment of it. He took an audacious step closer to Daryl.

"You see, Daryl, I wouldn't have so many loyal people around me if I weren't good to them."

Daryl felt nauseous, out of breath, his heart racing. He wanted him to shut up, but he knew it wouldn't make what Negan was about to say any less true.

"If I would just remain a big bad bully, before long they would all rebel against me and I'd be dead in a gutter before I knew it. You see, Daryl, the trick to loyalty is offering a combination of the carrot and the stick …"

He looked straight into Daryl's eyes, all the amusement gone from his face.

"And with 'stick' I mean 'baseball bat', and with 'carrot' I mean 'psychotropic drugs'."

Daryl felt like throwing up. His watery eyes found the large blue ones staring back at him with tears streaming down her face.

"I'm not going to use weapons to force you to join me anymore, Daryl" Negan continued. "It's just no use on a guy that doesn't fear death. But I am offering you the sweet release of seeing the one thing that you wish for most. Well, in your case obviously a person…. Beth, you said her name was?"

Daryl was shaken from his reverie and lifted his bow arm again, charging angrily towards Negan.

"Shut up!" he shouted.

Behind Negan, Beth was shaking her head 'no' and screaming at him though he couldn't hear her.

"I see an angel too, you know" Negan confessed. "My wife. She's here with me, every day, to guide me. I thought I would never see her again, until one day I did."

Daryl listened to him as he kept staring at the miracle right in front of his eyes. Negan looked over his shoulder once more before focusing back on Daryl.

"She's not real, but you can pretend she is. That's the most this life will have to offer you, or any one of us."

Daryl felt like falling down on the ground, but didn't want to give Negan the pleasure of seeing him crumble. He just wished the bastard would go and leave him the hell alone.

"It's a bit of a bitch at first" Negan spoke up again. "Finding out how much to take to make sure they don't disappear into thin air again. And that's exactly why I know that sooner or later, you're gonna come to me of your own accord. 'Cause there's no worse torture than being with the person you thought was gone for good, but then having to say goodbye to them all over again."

Daryl couldn't keep the tears back any longer.

"Goddamnit!" he screamed out and grabbed his knife to put it on Negan's neck.

"Think about it, Daryl. If I die, she dies too. You know it."

Daryl cried, gritted his teeth, paced back and forth.

"Fuuuck!" he screamed, desperate and on the brink of insanity.

Negan had trouble keeping the smile from spreading on his face.

As Daryl looked back at the girl in the car, he noticed she seemed afraid, confused. He was scaring her. He panted, tried to calm himself but felt like crawling out of his skin.

He saw her lips mouthing his name. She was calling him.

"Go ahead" Negan manipulated. "Get into my car, be with your angel. You can give in. You can give up now. They will _all_ just have to understand."

Daryl tried to make sense of what was happening, tried to figure out what to do. Negan continued.

"You were never meant to be part of a team...! To be someone others depended on, someone others looked up to."

He walked up closer to Daryl and lowered his voice to an almost compassionate level.

"You have always disappointed everyone and you will probably keep doing it. Why keep suffering? Why not sedate yourself, choose your own happiness?"

Daryl hesitated as he looked back at Beth. She was still calling out his name, motioning for him to come to her.

"What's your angel telling you to do? To kill me? I don't think so. I think she's calling for you to come to her…"

Daryl shook his head, rubbed his eyes, pounded against his head.

"Naw…" he cried out in a pained voice, images of her dying flashing in front of his eyes. He took a few steps back, into the field.

"No" he kept mumbling as he stumbled backwards, away from Negan and away from Beth, who watched him leave, her large blue eyes filled with tears, confusion and hurt. The last thing he saw before turning back and running away, was the heartbreak on her face as she cried out with all her might, slamming her hands against the glass.

"NO!"

* * *

Some time later – he didn't know how long or what had happened in between – he found himself back in front of the door to Maggie's trailer. It was already dark out.

At the sound of urgent and repeated knocking, Maggie opened the door to reveal a ghostly pale Daryl Dixon.

She knew right away that he had seen her again. Wordlessly, she invited him inside and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, but the tears didn't come. He was completely numb. Maggie only now took a better look at him and became even more worried when she found him to be almost shell shocked.

"Daryl, please tell me what happened…" she asked, unable to keep the panic from her voice, as she moved his limbs and torso to check for bodily harm and finding none.

Daryl sighed deeply, unable to answer her.

She stood up and grabbed him a bottle of water. As he took a small sip, suddenly, the last bit of color drained from his face. He stumbled back up and made it just in time to the sink before starting to puke his guts out.

Maggie rubbed his back a little awkwardly and tried to keep his hair from falling in his face as best as she could. When he was done, he didn't move a muscle besides turning on the faucet to rinse the sink. Eventually, Maggie spoke up.

"You saw her again, didn't you?"

"She ain't real" he told her dejectedly.

"I know" Maggie responded kindly. "Wha…-"

Daryl interrupted.

"He drugged me."

Maggie was silent as Daryl pushed himself back up and looked her in the eye.

"You gotta help me get it out of me, make it stop...!" he pled and Maggie nodded.

"Of course" she said and hurried outside towards Carson's trailer, Daryl hot on her heels.

* * *

After they explained what had happened, Carson tried his best to determine what substance it had been, but without the right equipment, there wasn't much he could do.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Dixon. At this point I can't tell what he has drugged you with, or how long the effects will last."

"Ain't there somethin' to stop it?" Daryl asked, panic rising inside him.

The doctor shook his head.

"I'm afraid nothing besides the usual: eight hours of sleep, at least two liters of water and nutritious food."

Daryl shifted his weight nervously.

"C'mon, ain't there somethin' else you can do? Please!"

The doctor noticed his state of discomfort and grabbed a bottle of vitamin B pills. He handed a few of them to Daryl.

"Here, take one of these, every day. They're good for the brain" he explained and hoped the placebo effect would help calm his patient down.

Daryl grabbed them and thanked the doctor, before Maggie and he walked back to her trailer.

* * *

Inside, they sat in silence around the small table, until seemingly out of nowhere, Daryl buried his face in his hands and started to cry.

Maggie let him. She thought of the viciousness of Negan's plan. Even now Daryl had physically escaped his prison, his mind was still trapped. Addiction was a surefire way to break someone. She calculated for how long Daryl had been there, but she realized she didn't know how long it took to get someone addicted. Even if he wasn't physically addicted yet, Maggie knew that seeing Beth had messed with his mental state and she feared that he might go back to Negan to get more of those drugs.

After he calmed down a bit, Maggie grabbed them both a bottle of water and stepped outside. Daryl followed her and sighed deeply when he got out of the cramped trailer and into the cold night air. Maggie sat down on the edge of the trailer, Daryl dropping down beside her. They were silent for a while.

"You know what I absolutely _hated_ about Beth?" she asked after a while, with a smile on her face. Daryl looked over at her. She grinned at him. "When she would flip people off!"

Maggie laughed and Daryl smiled too.

"And she did it _all_ the time...!" Maggie chuckled.

Daryl laughed as well, short and gruff, but a laugh.

"Yeah. Kinda stuck with me…" he confessed with a small smile.

They were silent again, both deep in thought.

Maggie's smile slowly fell from her face.

"I hate how there's nothing to hate about Glenn…" she said softly.

Daryl nodded sympathetically, not knowing what to say.

It was silent for a bit longer.

Eventually, Daryl spoke up of his own accord.

"I wish we could've given her a funeral…" he mumbled, his voice hoarse and his face flushing.

"I, eh… I liked what you did, with your mother and with Otis… You know, with the stones… Wish we could've buried her like that."

He looked down at his feet. Maggie smiled as she gave him a sideways glance.

"Yeah, I would've liked that too… But I'm also glad she got to do even more good for those patients at the hospital. I kinda like the idea of someone walking 'round with a piece of her inside them. I think the world is a better place for it."

"It's weird that we don't know who has her organs" Daryl said, thinking out loud. "Maybe we've already met them…"

Maggie smiled, though she guessed the chances were small. It was a nice thought, though.

The smile fell from her lips.

"I wish I could've made Glenn's death count at least a bit. It was all just so senseless…" she trailed off and Daryl heard her voice break.

Awkwardly, he placed his palm on her shoulder and kept it there. Maggie sighed.

"We need to stay strong, Daryl. We can't let him get to us. We need to focus on our goal…" she said and Daryl saw the burning hate in her eyes as she talked about it.

They would kill him, and it would be sooner rather than later.

* * *

They were both shaken from their reverie by a dark figure moving through the camp towards the gate. Daryl and Maggie followed his movements, and as Daryl got up, the person looked at him.

Jesus.

Daryl hesitated. He remembered Negan's mocking words about finding a friend in Jesus.

"Why are you guys still up?" Jesus asked in a hushed voice as he approached them. Daryl looked uncertainly to Maggie.

"What are _you_ doing out here this late?" she quipped back and Daryl breathed out in relief.

"I'm heading for Alexandria, gather some intel along the way, have a last briefing before it all goes down tomorrow."

He seemed genuinely excited.

Daryl exchanged a look with Maggie. She nodded.

"Mind if we join you?" he asked and Jesus smiled.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Daryl lay in the trunk of Jesus's car, making sure no patrol would spot him, while Maggie sat in the passenger's seat. As they made their way to the ASZ, Daryl's mind drifted to when he and Beth had spent the night hiding from walkers. He had felt uncomfortable cooped up in a trunk with her, but it paled in comparison to how he felt to be cooped up in a trunk _without_ her.


	10. Chapter 9: Acceptance

_I'll be seeing you_

 _In all the old familiar places_

 _That this heart of mine embraces_

 _All day and through_

(From: Billie Holiday - I'll Be Seeing You)

 **Chapter Nine:** _ **Acceptance**_

It was the middle of the night when their car pulled up to Alexandria's gates. Jesus walked inside sturdily, while Daryl trailed behind him, embarrassed by his earlier outbursts of emotion. Maggie gave him a sympathetic nudge and walked up to Jesus.

Jesus didn't waste any time waking Rick as he knocked on their front door and called out his name.

A minute later, Rick swung the door open, prepared for whatever would be on the other side. He relaxed visibly as he saw Jesus and Maggie and made way for them to enter.

When Daryl tried to step inside, Rick blocked his path. He gave him a deadly serious look that made Daryl gnaw at his bottom lip nervously. Rick kept his gaze firm in place, as if determining what to do, before he eventually sighed and patted him brotherly on the chest.

They walked inside together.

"So. What can I do for you?" Rick asked as the three men stood in the living room, while an exhausted Maggie had gone straight to bed.

Jesus glanced over at Daryl for a second, before focusing back on Rick.

"Are we really going to let him live?" he asked.

Daryl shuffled his feet nervously.

Rick also looked over at him shortly. He put his hands on his hips and looked down.

"That's the plan, yes" he said. "But we'll see how it goes."

"Why?" Daryl asked curtly.

"We need to make sure things will be civilized after we've defeated the Saviors. That starts with this…"

Daryl grunted.

Jesus shrugged.

They went over the plan one more time. Daryl paid attention but noticed they hadn't included him in their plans.

"Rick" he called after him as the other two men left to catch a few hours of sleep.

Rick turned around and waited for Daryl to continue.

"I'm not stayin' behind."

Rick walked back towards him.

"Yes, you are."

Though Daryl was physically taller than him, he had trouble standing up to Rick. He took a second as Rick stared him straight in the eyes, but he didn't back down.

"Naw. I'm tellin' ya, I'm coming with."

Rick pressed his lips together in frustration.

" _Don't_ start right now, Daryl" he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose, the stress and pressure catching up with him.

Daryl felt himself growing more secure.

"You're gonna need me."

Rick's head shot back up.

"We don't" he spat out. "We don't, Daryl! We don't need someone who's running off on his own whenever he feels like it. We don't need someone who's making enemies out of our allies, releasing _tigers…_! We don't need someone who's neglecting himself to the point where he's h…."

Rick stopped himself from completing that sentence, but Daryl knew exactly what he had wanted to say.

"He drugged me. The goddamned sonofabitch _drugged_ me, Rick!"

Rick blinked. Daryl stared back at him.

"He told me, today" Daryl elaborated. "Ran me off the road and told me. That's why…"

Rick nodded. It explained a lot.

"Did you see a doctor yet?"

"They couldn't tell me nothing" Daryl said, calmer than he had in days. "But I feel _fine_."

"You should take it easy for a while…" Rick tried.

Daryl grabbed his bow from its place against the couch.

"Yeah" he said determinedly. "After I've put that bastard in the ground."

Rick understood there was no keeping Daryl from joining them. Besides, it wouldn't be right. He also knew it was quite the liability to have someone who has been drugged out of his mind, hallucinating up until that very day, join them on a tactical mission.

"We've all agreed to take him prisoner, give him a trial afterwards" Rick repeated, hoping it would sink in. "You can't set out to kill him, Daryl."

Daryl snorted. "The state in which I catch him ain't my biggest priority."

Rick knew he was probably making a big mistake by letting Daryl join him, but the man had build up enough credit to give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

* * *

As Daryl lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, he tried to prepare himself for what was to come. He knew chances were he would see _her_ again, but he shouldn't let it get to him this time. It shouldn't keep him from killing Negan.

* * *

Beth was still furious as she stomped through the field, trying to find her way back to the place she had seen Daryl. It was the middle of the night and she couldn't see a thing, let alone recognize which way they had driven back to Negan's house.

Between the darkness and trying to keep off the roads, she knew she had gotten lost. But it didn't matter, because she was still angry and walking through the cool night calmed her down a bit.

Images from earlier that day flashed through her mind.

Daryl. The state he had been in. How good he still looked to her. How he had almost killed Negan. How he had walked away from her.

She had been furious with Negan for locking her in the car, but Negan had a perfect answer to all of her accusations.

He had just wanted to keep her safe.

The guy looked like he was drugged out of his mind, kept calling her 'Beth'. How was Negan to know she knew him?

He had wanted to try and help the guy, or at least make sure he wouldn't hurt anybody, but instead almost got hurt himself.

She shouldn't go after him. Even if she actually had known him before, she didn't now. She had seen him; he wasn't the same guy anymore.

But she refused to believe it.

Negan had gone all authoritarian on her and she had kept quiet. He had driven past the compound again, but hadn't stopped there and Beth knew it was because he didn't trust her to stay in the car. Instead, he had gone straight to his house. They hadn't spoken a word that evening and Beth went to bed early.

She had waited for hours until finally, she heard him leave the house quietly, locking the front door. She knew he was going to visit his friend, and she was going to visit hers.

So she snuck out of her window, with her backpack and her few weapons, and readied herself for a long walk.

* * *

That had been over two hours ago and she still didn't know where she was.

She walked up a hill and looked around. Eventually, she noticed a road where a bunch of walkers roamed, and she figured a settlement should be close by.

With a nervous hope settling inside her, she started out in that direction. Daryl was around here somewhere. Maybe Maggie and the others too. But then she remembered the state Daryl had been in and the things Negan had told her. The ongoing war, the lack of humanity, people drugged out of their minds…

She remembered Merle and how everyone knew he had done every kind of drug there was, every chance he had gotten. Was Daryl like that too?

She was a fool to have thought that she knew him, just because they had spent a few days together. A college drinking game was hardly the way to get to know someone so private and with twice her years.

Dread settled in her stomach and she felt ill-prepared to deal with this reality. She didn't really know him anymore and she knew how to deal with people tripping balls even less. And clearly, Daryk didn't care to have her around anymore.

But at the same time, her heart ached for him. What he must have gone through to end up like this. She would find him and she would do whatever she could to help him. She wasn't just a scared little girl anymore; she could handle it.

But what if Maggie and Rick and the others where in similar states?

Alternating between worry and determination, Beth crept through the fields, careful not to attract the walkers' attention.

The road led to an iron gate, where walkers had gathered to try and push their way inside.

Beth crept a little closer, but there were about two dozen walkers and there was no way she could take them all out on her own. Noticing a tree not far from the gates, Beth climbed in it to see if there was a way to climb over the wall without being attacked by walkers.

Just as she crawled along a branch, inching closer to the wall, she heard voices. Real human voices, none of which she recognized and sounding as if they were visiting a medieval faire.

"… It is not a decision made lightly, I assure you. Nor is it one I had ever hoped to make. But the situation leaves me no choice. It's my burden as a king to call for these desperate measures…"

Beth listened more closely and tried to peek through the leaves.

A group of men, ten, maybe twelve, wearing some kind of armor. And a guy with grey dreads wearing a thick cloak.

"What should we do with Rick, your majesty?"

Beth nearly fell down the branch. It was a common name, surely they were talking about someone else. But still. She held her breath and stayed completely still, seeing the group glancing over in her direction after the rustling of the leaves.

"He's not a violent man" the guy they called 'majesty' said after a while. "He is calm and sensible and he may understand and support or cause. But I can't predict how he will react when we capture Daryl. If it's necessary, take him as well."

Beth's heart was racing. Rick was around here somewhere as well. The rest of her group too probably, but they were all in danger. Beth wanted to do nothing more than jump out of the tree to either fight or run, but she knew she had to wait.

"And what if the other leaders support our cause? Should we still capture them?" another soldier asked.

The leader spoke up again.

"Our priorities lie with Negan and Daryl. They form the biggest threat to our peace. But since we have never met with those other leaders, there's no telling what they're like. As much as I regret it, I think we would be wise to take them into custody first. I'll try and clear things out as soon as you return."

The men nodded. Beth had no idea what was going on. She figured it had to do with the wars going on, but these seemed like decent people, apart from their plan to capture everyone she cared about. They seemed to think of Daryl and Negan as the enemy. But Negan and Daryl hadn't seemed to even know each other, let alone work together to fight a group of seemingly decent people. And while she deduced from their words that Rick still cared about Daryl's well-being, they didn't seem to be on the same team anymore.

Once again, the image of a retreating Daryl flashed before her eyes. The haunted look in his eyes, the anger, the cuts and bruises covering his body.

"Go now" the king spoke again. "They'll be at the Sanctuary at three o'clock. I don't want to have any part in a massacre, you hear me? You'll hide until the Saviors have surrendered and the leaders are taking Negan. It will be quick and nonviolent. I expect to see every one of you returning here, tomorrow before the sun rises and the new dawn of peace has come upon us."

"Yes, your majesty" the men called out in hushed voices and made their way to their vehicles.

The grey dread head waited with one man who had stayed behind and waved as the men got into a truck and a car.

The vehicles drove off and the king and his servant walked back inside the walls through the back door.

"Fuck" Beth mumbled.

As soon as she was sure everyone had gone, she climbed down the tree. Three a.m. She glanced at the old watch Negan had given her. A little over two hours from now.

It seemed like the devil's work. Just as she had found signs of life from her friends and family, she found out they were about to be attacked by a bunch of _larpers_. She ran along the road their cars had taken off on, but they were already out of sight.

She kept running as fast as she could, all the while trying to make sense of what she had heard. Leaders of multiple groups were planning on taking Negan somewhere. Those men had seemed to think he was being held hostage by a group called the Saviors in a place called the Sanctuary, but last Beth had seen him, he had been free as a bird. Unless they were talking about another Negan. It was a name Beth hadn't heard before, but he had said that around here, it wasn't as uncommon, though it seemed something like that would have been known to her even before the start of the apocalypse.

So these _larpers_ were seeing Negan and Daryl as a threat, Rick not so much and there were other leaders involved as well. Those leaders were about to fight a group called the Saviors, to free Negan, but then these _larpers_ were going to capture them all. So far, it seemed that the _larpers_ and the Saviors had similar interests, namely holding Negan hostage, but the _larpers_ weren't going to stop the attack from the leaders and their people on the Saviors.

She had no idea what to make of it. She knew her only hope was to find either Rick, Daryl or Negan and tell them what she had heard. They could fill her in on the politics later. Her best chance was to find Negan, so she started to walk back through the field, hoping she was going in the direction she had come from.

* * *

And so Beth made her way back, running for as long as her tired body allowed her, her heart racing and her head throbbing.

She didn't pay any mind to the walkers stumbling towards her; she would outrun them every time. As she came closer to the area she had gotten to know a little better over the last few days, she heard sounds of gunfire. People screaming. Engines revving. Blasts of fire lit up the night sky as loud explosions sounded just maybe a mile away from her.

Fear clouded her mind and numbed her senses. On autopilot, she walked further in the direction of the fighting. She knew, she had known this would happen. All her friends and family were there. After surviving a bullet to the brain, after a year of rehabilitating without knowing where her friends and family were, after searching high and low for them, when she finally thought things were looking up again, she was about to lose them all.

Another explosion sounded. Images of a tank taking down the wall. Bullets flying through the air. Her father dying, Maggie nowhere to be seen. Screaming, shouting. A hand on her shoulder. _Daryl_.

The prison faded from her mind. Instead, she was looking at the building were Negan had visited his friend.

She walked a little closer. Just like that, the gunfire stopped, the shouting stopped. It was quiet. Beth came from behind the trees and slowly rounded the building to the front.

Bodies were shattered everywhere, a few walkers but mostly people, some of them still clutching their weapons. She crept along the wall of the building, and peeked around the corner to watch the compound's entrance. She recognized the gate where Negan had parked the car just a few nights ago. And just as sure, that same car was parked in the same spot now, but Negan was nowhere to be seen.

She ran over to the car, killing a walker on her way. She tried to open it, even though she knew it was locked. Daryl had once shown her how to pick a car lock, but that old rusty piece hadn't come close to the state of the art car she was now inspecting. And to be honest, she didn't even think she could do it if it _had_ been a shitty car like that. It had been right after they had fled the prison together when they weren't really talking, and he had been trying to find them a car, if not for transportation than at least for supplies or some form of temporary protection. They had found one and as he prepared to pick its lock, he had started to talk to her all of a sudden. He had offered to teach her how to do it, and she had been so relieved by his relative kindness that she hadn't dared to tell him he wasn't making any sense as he tried to explain to her what he was doing while he worked the car door's lock.

She was shaken from her reverie by the sound of a car coming up to the front gate, a truck following closely. She recognized the vehicles as the ones she had watched from that tree as they drove away.

The _larpers_.

She immediately ducked behind the car and hoped they hadn't spotted her. Just as they opened the gate, a group of people came bursting out of the building. Beth heard a lot of swearing and shouting and even before she had come up to watch through the car windows, she recognized two of the voices. One angry, one just annoyed.

"… Goddamn asshole, shoulda fed him to his _fucking_ tiger! Fuckin' piece of traitor shit!"

"Could someone _please_ Shut. Him. Up…! I would gladly knock him out if it's too much trouble for you ladies."

Out of the building, four people came walking out with bags over their heads and shackles around their wrists and ankles. Ten of the soldiers she had seen earlier that night guided them towards the truck. Beth wanted to scream, wanted to make them stop, but as she looked around for guns, she couldn't find any that were close enough to grab them without being detected.

Fuck.

Then, she heard Rick's voice, directed at the kidnappers.

"You won't get away with this and Ezekiel knows it. Just let us go and take him."

The one she recognized as Negan huffed. They were close now, and the first captive – she didn't know who it was – was loaded onto the truck.

They were going to take them away to do _god knows what_ with them. Her fear increased even more. If she did nothing, she would watch the very few people in this world that had been kind to her being taken away from her to probably never be seen again. She had to fight, but she was going to need a lot more than just the small handgun at her hip.

Suddenly, she remembered Negan always kept at least one gun in his car. If only she could open it. As Daryl was loaded onto the truck, she realized the car had a keyless entry system and Negan was standing close by. In a split second, she decided that the chance of finding some guns was worth the risk of being betrayed by the blinking lights when the doors unlocked.

She pressed the button on the inside of the door handle and she heard a faint clicking noise to alert her that the doors were now unlocked.

But just as she had expected, the flashing of the lights didn't go unnoticed by the soldiers and one of them started to walk over.

Negan dropped the key card and one of the soldiers picked it up.

"No tricks!" he told Negan and shoved him against the small ladder to the truck.

"He thought he could get to his car in time to escape" the man explained to the soldier that was now seconds away from discovering Beth.

He shrugged and walked back to the truck. Beth breathed in relief, but she knew she still had to get inside the car undetected and before the soldier that now held the key card went too far away and the doors would lock again.

She curled her fingers around the door handle and pulled it open as softly as she could. She glanced over the edge of the window to see Negan creating a chaos by refusing to get in the truck, fighting back for as long as he could until they slammed him down and dragged him inside.

It was enough for Beth open the door far enough to slip inside and close it again without being noticed. She stayed low while she searched the car frantically. Nothing in the glove compartment, nothing beneath the seats, nothing on the backseat. The only weapon she found was that _stupid_ baseball bat that he had thrown in the trunk. Outside, she heard the truck being closed and she noticed most soldiers had gotten inside.

Just two of them waited outside with the fourth captive.

"Listen, Rick" one of them started. "We were told you were a reasonable guy, that you would understand that this is something we have to do to protect our peace."

"I don't" Rick interrupted him. "And you're gonna pay for this. Your only chance is to release Daryl and Gregory _right now_!"

The soldier sighed.

"Well, I guess Ezekiel was wrong" he said to himself and banged against the back of the truck. "Open up guys, this one's also coming with you."

As Rick was loaded onto the truck, Beth feverishly searched her mind for clues what to do. She came up empty while the car and truck already backed off to leave.

On an impulse, Beth pressed the 'start' button and the car came to live. She grabbed the wheel, put the car in reverse and pressed down on the gas.

The expensive sports car was a lot faster than the old military truck, so she caught up with it quickly. She kept tailing it, hoping that the soldiers wouldn't look out of the back and the loud noise of the truck's engine would drown out the buzzing of her electric car.

But with every corner they took, the tires seemed to make more sound until eventually, one soldier opened a part of the hood and spotted her.

She knew she was fucked when he raised his gun at her, but instead of stopping, a burning rage grabbed ahold of her and before she knew it, she had rolled down her window to shoot at him before he had even fired his first shot.

It worked. After two shots, he ducked down behind the steel tailgate and she was able to keep up with them for a little longer. But within seconds, more of the soldiers appeared and now they were firing at her. She fought hard to keep the car on the road, but after four more shots, she had run out of bullets and was now a living target.

With three soldiers free to fire shots at her, it didn't take long for one of the bullets to hit her tire and send her car spiraling out of her control.

Beth hit the brakes as fast as she could and braced herself when the car drifted of the road and into the field. With a last spin, the car finally came to a stop when the engine shut off as a result of the key card being out of reach.

Beth blinked a few times and rolled her shoulders that had gone painfully stiff. Her head seemed to be okay though to her huge relief. The seatbelt had dug into the skin of her shoulder, and her body was trembling with adrenalin, but she managed to get out of the car and take a look down the road.

The truck was long gone.

She put her hands on her head and paced left to right nervously, panic starting to rise in her chest as she tried to come up with a plan.

She wished Daryl or Negan or Rick were here to help her. If she had just one of them with her, they would actually stand a chance to free the others. But she was alone and they all depended on her.

There was no time to waste. First she had to find them and make sure they stayed alive. She could come up with a plan along the way. She looked over at the car and knew that her broken body would have to start walking again.

Ten minutes later, she was walking along the same route for the third time that night, armed with nothing but tons of frustration and a barbwire-covered baseball bat.

* * *

During the drive, everyone had been silent. But then they were loaded off the truck and the bags were taken off their heads. Ezekiel awaited them with a solemn look.

Daryl lunged forward, but one of the soldiers grabbed him and held him back.

"Everyone…" Ezekiel started loudly. "I must apologize for these crude and barbaric actions. But you must understand, we strive for peace, for us and for anyone else…"

Rick shifted his weight impatiently, his eyes shooting daggers at Ezekiel. Ezekiel continued.

"With the recent developments in mind, I have come to realize that as long as there are leaders who think violence is a solution, there will never be peace. This might sound paradoxical, but to assure all our people's freedom and peace, I have to imprison you all in order to make way for peaceful leaders."

Rick shook his head. "Oh you're such a dirty, filthy snake" he spat venomously.

Ezekiel directed his attention to him.

"Rick. I'm sorry to hear that. I had hoped you would understand."

Rick took a step forward.

" _I_ came to you, I trusted you. I told you our plans, with _your_ people's best interest in mind as well. Morgan, and Carol…"

Ezekiel interrupted him.

"I know" he said calmly. "They will never understand it if I kept you detained. You've always shown you want to keep an open dialogue and treat each other with respect. And frankly, it was never my intention to capture you as well, but I couldn't take the risk."

"I can assure you, the same goes for Daryl and Gregory. Release us and we can talk about this."

Ezekiel frowned.

"I will release you, Rick, and I would like to open up a discussion on how to proceed from here on" he said and nodded to one of his soldiers to undo his shackles. Ezekiel looked over to Gregory with suspicious eyes. "But I haven't had time yet to get acquainted with this gentleman, so for now I can't take the risk…" he said and turned back to Rick, who was now rubbing his wrists. "And I'm sorry to tell you, but Daryl won't be released. He has proven himself to be exactly the kind of violent, uncivilized man that will upset our peace time and time again."

Daryl cursed. Rick took a few large steps towards Ezekiel, his guards closing in on Rick immediately. Ezekiel gestured them to stand down.

"If you want peace, you'll release him _right now_ , or I swear…" Rick muttered between gritted teeth. To his surprise, Daryl interrupted him.

"Rick…" he said and shook his head. Rick realized he had to keep his cool if he wanted to stay out of prison himself and have a chance of convincing Ezekiel to release the other two. He took a deep breath.

"Alright, let's talk."

"Not now" Ezekiel said. "We need to deal with them first. I was under the impression that there would be a fifth leader present?"

Negan chuckled. "You mean the autistic bitch? Yeah, she's dead."

Ezekiel sighed deeply and tried to control his anger at Negan's masochism. With just a nod of his head, he ordered his men to take the prisoners away.

"You're welcome…!" Negan called back, while Daryl kept on swearing and Gregory muttered about how 'outrageous' this was.

Rick stayed behind and pursed his lips to refrain from attacking Ezekiel again – either verbally or physically.

Ezekiel turned his attention back to Rick.

"I'm sorry it had to be like this…" he offered and it sounded sincerely, but Rick wouldn't be satisfied until Ezekiel had released Gregory _and_ Daryl.

* * *

The three men were brought to the same building Shiva's cage was, and just as sure, beside the tiger's cage an extra cage had been built, that would serve as a cell for all three of them.

Daryl watched the tiger. She stood up as the muttering and swearing group entered the room. Daryl kept quiet after that, not wanting to upset her, but Gregory wasn't planning on anything like that.

"My god, a _tiger_? What is this place?" he wailed. "I demand to be released immediately!"

Both Daryl and Negan threw him an annoyed look. Much to Daryl's relief, Negan kept quiet as well.

Since neither Negan nor Gregory dared to sit anywhere near the bars that separated their cell from the tiger's, Daryl found himself some space sitting next to Shiva. He knew Rick was out there, doing everything he could to get him out. And this captivity was a lot better than the last one, so he figured he should preserve his energy for when he really needed it.

Daryl knew that the real threat in here wasn't the tiger, nor Ezekiel and his men. It still was that smug bastard that was sitting at the other end of the cell, and that would be the case for as long as he was still breathing.

No matter how nervously Negan acted, Daryl had learned long ago that that psychopath was always in control of the situation and that he would strike the second you didn't pay enough attention. Daryl didn't fear Negan's physical attacks, nor the things he said to fuck with his mind. What he feared was that Negan would be able to dose him again.

And while Gregory was demanding all the attention, Daryl kept watching Negan like a hawk as he shifted around, stood up and sat back down.

Gregory stood leaning against the bars, facing outwards, making his case in front of the two soldiers guarding them.

"… enjoy the utmost respect of my community, and therefor I fear a large uproar is at hand when they find out I have been taken prisoner" he said, hoping that by imitating their leader's speech, they would listen to him as well.

"I can see your leader is a man of great wisdom and responsibility, like myself. May I ask who he is?"

One guard answered, not seeing he was getting sucked in.

"He's our king Ezekiel. He's to be addressed as 'your majesty'."

Gregory nodded. "Thank you. I will."

It was silent for a while, and Daryl felt Shiva coming to lie down close to him. As much as he wanted, he couldn't look over to her though, as he wasn't planning on letting Negan out of his sight anytime soon. Negan still kept up his nervous act, looking at the door every time they heard a sound coming from outside.

But still, Gregory held the guards' attention.

"You see, I had hoped to be able to speak to his majesty as soon as possible. I feel like a huge mistake is being made. I agree with his pacifistic way _one hundred percent_. It is how our community has always been. You know Jesus, you know what he's like. We don't call him Jesus for nothing…" Gregory said and even laughed shortly. One of the guards showed a small smile.

"I feel our two communities are very much alike, only ours has been caught up in the war between those two's groups somehow. We have had to endure countless horrors just to survive. At first, we were attacked and threatened by him" he said and pointed to Negan. "And then, when we found a system to live with his group without going to war, along came Daryl and his group and we were forced to take up arms anyway…" Gregory told the guards and added a sad smile. "We didn't even have guns before they came along."

Daryl couldn't stand it any longer.

"Shut the hell up, you jus' didn't have the balls to do somethin'!"

Gregory didn't pay him any attention, just looked at the guard, raised his eyebrows and sighed. The guards looked at each other and nodded.

"I'll go see if he's ready for you now" one of them said.

Daryl huffed and looked at Shiva, who was once again shifting her body in agitation. He remembered what had happened last time and tried to calm himself down for both their sakes, but Negan's mocking voice demanded his attention.

"Uh uh Daryl" he said scoldingly as he leaned against the bars. "You're losing focus. You gotta keep your eyes on me, man. You _know_ how I can get when I'm annoyed."

Daryl just frowned but didn't avert his eyes again. Negan smiled a sick smile.

"Or did you think that just because there's a guard watching us, I wouldn't do anything?" he asked and, without warning, he grabbed Gregory's shoulder, turned him and delivered a sharp, forceful punch to his throat.

Gregory's eyes widened, a gurgling sound came from his throat. The remaining guard jumped up and called out for backup. Gregory gasped for air and as he swallowed, a piece of cartilage that had previously been attached, now moved down his throat. His face twisted in agony and within a second, his body dropped to the floor. The second guard came running back in and together they dragged his body outside, still keeping Negan and Daryl locked in.

Daryl had jumped up as well and watched the scene feeling utterly helpless. His arms felt idle as they hung by his side, while he watched the guard perform CPR, trying to revive Gregory.

They went on with it for a few minutes that seemed like hours to Daryl, until they realized their prisoner wasn't going to survive. More guards started to come in and eventually, a few of them carried the body away, leaving Daryl with just the two startled guards and Negan.

Daryl knew Negan's goal hadn't been to shut Gregory up for good. He probably didn't feel very strongly about Gregory at all. But by killing one man, he made a whole lot more _fear_ him and that made him feel powerful. But Daryl wouldn't let him succeed at terrorizing him anymore.

So he purposely didn't pay him any attention and went back to sit down at his corner near Shiva, as if nothing had happened. Daryl let Shiva smell his hand, petted her shoulders and calmed both of them down. Negan on the other hand was uncharacteristically skittish, even to the point where it made the tiger feel uncomfortable as well.

In small steps, as he was still trying to control himself, he paced along the bars, stuffed his hands in his pockets, took them back out, combed through his hair, stared at the door.

Eventually, Shiva started to roar and Daryl couldn't take it anymore.

"You expectin' someone?" he asked bitterly. Negan turned around, glad for the distraction.

"Boy, am I glad _you_ of all people asked that!" Negan started but Daryl interrupted.

"Naw, I ain't interested in your stupid long-ass stories. Just shut up and don't be such a nervous lil' bitch."

It felt good to finally speak his mind. Negan still laughed his stupid slow laugh.

"Oh, Daryl, Daryl…" he snickered. "You do know that I have the power to make you cry _whenever_ I want, right? And I'm gonna make you hurt _so bad_!"

Daryl just focused his attention back on Shiva, but Negan continued.

"Look, I've tried to not be a dick and remind you of all the whining and blubbering when we saw each other about twelve hours ago, but you can't start talking trash to me now. I know your weakness, Daryl, and frankly, it's kinda disappointing. A girl, really?"

Daryl tried not to listen to his words, but his heartbeat increased nonetheless. Negan smiled a satisfied smile. He sighed.

"Okay, I know you said you didn't want to know who I was expecting, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. You see – and you gotta understand this is kinda fun for me…" he said and could barely contain his smile. "It's your sweet little angel...!"

Daryl kept his eyes trained on Shiva, as she licked her front paws.

"Keep dreamin'" he mumbled.

"What was that?" Negan prodded and just as he expected, Daryl took the bait.

"I said 'keep dreamin' cause that stuff you gave me ain't workin' no more" Daryl said confidently.

Negan didn't seem to be impressed by his statement at all. Instead, he laughed out loud.

"Oh Daryl, you actually _believed_ we've _drugged_ you? When would we have done that? Where would we even get all those drugs?" he took a little more time to laugh and Daryl frowned.

"I mean, come on Daryl, it's the post-apocalyptic world...! Even if we could, why would we focus on finding hallucinogenic drugs of all things?"

His laughter had quieted down and now he just stared at Daryl, making him question everything that had happened over the last few days. He knew it was exactly what Negan wanted, so he stopped it.

"No, she's real" Negan continued. "And she's out there somewhere looking for at least one of us, if not for both."

Daryl felt the familiar ache of his hopes getting up, before being crushed once again, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Negan slid down the wall to drop down beside him, making him even more uncomfortable.

"Now do you see why I'm a little worried? I mean with all that's happened tonight, currently, even this peace-loving village isn't safe for a girl like her."

Daryl's frown increased of its own accord, he started plucking the skin around his nails.

"We have to get out of here, Daryl. We have to find her."

"Shut up" Daryl answered but wasn't done yet. "And don't think I don't know what you're doin', tryna get me to help you escape so you can go out and kill everyone."

Negan chuckled.

"That could very well be the case, yes. But would you risk poor Beth's life just because you don't believe me?"

Daryl kept quiet. Beside him, Shiva had gotten up again and was now stretching her legs.

"Let me answer this one for you. You'd _never, ever_ forgive yourself if you let her die – again. The weight of your guilt would _crush_ you."

Daryl refused to stand up and pace the room, refused to show Negan he was getting to him again. At times like these, he wished he was better with words, so he could effectively shut him the hell up. But no, Negan continued.

"I know you _act_ like nothing sticks" Negan started and let his head fall back against the wall. "You act as if your childhood prevents you from feeling anything. You can't break down. You keep soldiering on, even when Rick can't. The end of the world has been kind to you, Daryl. You're better off now than you could've ever been in the old world. Here, you're a hero. _Everyone_ looks up to you."

An itch crawled over his skin but he didn't allow himself to scratch it. Negan would notice and Daryl didn't want to give him the pleasure. Negan's shoulder bumped against his and he couldn't stop himself from moving even further against the bars that separated their cage from Shiva's.

"But _I_ know you, Daryl" Negan continued, the careless tone in his voice replaced with a harsh one. " _I_ know there are times when you falter. _I_ know you're not _just_ as messed up as the others. You're so much worse…" he said and grabbed Daryl's hand to press his thumb down on the little sore that hadn't really healed after he had burned himself with that cigarette. Daryl pulled his hand back from Negan's firm grasp, but felt too ashamed to engage in another fight.

"Yeah" Negan breathed, delighted by Daryl's insecurity, his shame, his weakness. "I pay attention to details like that. Give a beautiful inside into someone's mind… It's the same reason why I noticed that your little angel has a scar on the inside of her left wrist."

Daryl looked up. How could he know something like that? He searched his mind feverishly for an explanation other then…

Negan looked at him and he looked him straight in the eye.

Fuck.

He had him again. He had gotten inside his mind again and Daryl couldn't get him out.

"I know where she is" Negan said in a hushed, authoritarian voice and Daryl just nodded.

Then, Negan leaned in even closer. "Follow my lead, and _don't screw this up._ "

Before Daryl could comprehend what he had meant, Negan had dragged him to his feet by his vest and started throwing punches.

On instinct, Daryl immediately fought back, all the anger that had built up inside him now coming out, aimed at the one person that had caused so much of it. Negan was taller, healthier and better rested, but Daryl's rage made up for all of that. Blows landed on each other's faces, their temples, their kidneys, backs, knees. They had every intent of killing each other until the two guards finally managed to break them up and hold them back.

Negan toppled over, clutching his stomach, and stared up in utter shock and horror. A pained expression appeared on his face and Daryl watched with confusion at what was happening. The guard that had restrained Negan, now studied him with concern.

"You okay?" he asked and Negan slowly shook his head. Just as the guard knelt down and placed a hand on Negan's shoulder to see what was going on, Negan grabbed his wrist, flipped him over his shoulder and slammed him down on the ground. Daryl understood what was going on and in a split second decided that though he was probably helping the devil himself escape so he could take his revenge on everyone Daryl cared about, he couldn't risk letting Beth down again in the off chance she was actually alive. So as soon as Negan attacked his guard, Daryl elbowed the guard behind him in the stomach. And while he spun around and delivered a blow to the guard's temple that rendered him unconscious, Negan slammed the other guards head against the concrete floor to accomplish the same thing.

Within a minute after breaking up the fight, both guards were knock out. Shiva roared as Negan and Daryl snuck out of the building. The darkness outside made it easy for them to cross the compound unseen. Daryl knew the secret gate that led outside, and was only ever used by Ezekiel. He led the way, but kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure Negan wasn't planning any surprises.

To Daryl, the real surprise came when ten minutes later, they managed to get to the other side of the Kingdom's walls and Negan didn't stab him in the back.

Well, not literally anyway.

"Alright, I'll see you around" Negan stated casually and walked away.

Daryl froze for a second. Had he really been _that_ stupid? Had he really made _this_ big a mistake?

He stalked towards Negan and grabbed his shoulder to halt him.

"Take me to her" he grunted.

Negan showed a quasi-sympathetic expression that didn't hide his amusement very well.

"I don't know how to say this…" he started.

Daryl shook his head wildly.

"Bullshit! Take me to her or I'll beat you senseless and feed you to the tiger!"

Negan sighed.

"I'm sorry I lied. Now get the hell out of here" he stated, annoyance clear in his voice. Before he had really finished his sentence though, Daryl's fist landed against his jaw.

"Now start movin'" he ordered.

Negan retaliated by throwing a punch himself, but Daryl blocked it easily. A second punch did land in his stomach however. Before they knew it, they were fighting again and this time there really wasn't any reason behind it other than pure, mutual hate.

Before long, the sounds of their fight attracted the attention of the guards keeping watch on the wall.

"Hey!" one of them shouted and Daryl and Negan looked at him. Knowing that their escape had been for nothing if they stayed here, they parked their fight for now and ran into the strip of forest, zigzagging through the trees until they embarked on a wide field and the guards were nowhere to be seen or heard.

"You know you're being an idiot, right?" Negan asked in a hushed voice as they made their way through the field. Daryl didn't answer. "Everything Rick and the rest have been planning for months… Everyone that has died last night. All for nothing because you helped me escape."

Daryl tried to keep a neutral face, but he knew Negan was right. Still, Daryl couldn't stop thinking about that scar on the inside of her wrist. How could he know something like that…?

"And now you're following me back into my territory, with nothing but your bare hands to defend yourself…"

Negan was enjoying himself, trying to get him riled up.

"Are you finally done with life, Daryl?"

Daryl's thought were miles away though.

"The hospital, were you there?" he asked as it was the only way he could've known about her scar.

Negan showed a wicked grin that upset Daryl more than it should. Nervously, he swept his hair out of his face.

"You weren't there when Dawn…" he started thinking out loud. "You're not a doctor. Were you a cop?"

Negan feigned hurt.

"You weren't there" Daryl decided, mostly for himself. With every question he asked, he showed more of himself that Negan would use to manipulate him.

"Maybe I was a patient" Negan said, just when Daryl had decided to give it a rest.

A sickening thought started to form in Daryl's mind and judging by the smile that spread on Negan's face, he knew exactly what Daryl was thinking.

"You see it now, don't you? She's alive, but she's also not. Part of her lives on through me…!" he said and started to chuckle as Daryl felt sweat breaking out and bile rising in his throat.

"I have to thank you for so graciously offering pretty little Beth's body to the hospital. Wouldn't have been alive if it wasn't for her and her heart of gold…"

Daryl felt the blood drain from his face.

"What?" he stammered. Negan chuckled again.

"Well, thankfully not real gold, but muscle. Otherwise it wouldn't have done me any good."

Daryl felt tears brimming in his eyes, a numbing pain coursing through every fiber in his body. Negan kept on walking without a care in the world.

"I figured, if I can survive a heart attack after the world has ended, I must be something special and I'm gonna make _damn_ sure I take whatever life still has to offer."

Daryl started lagging behind. His head was swimming, his body grew weaker by the second. _This couldn't be true. It was just another story to mess with his mind._

And then, just as Negan reached the top of the hill they had been climbing for a while, he finally stopped talking.

With four large steps, Daryl ran up the hill, crossing the distance between them to see what Negan was looking at.

"Lucy!"

"Beth…"

A smiling girl came walking towards them, dragging a baseball bat behind her. Negan jogged towards her. Confused and scared, Daryl only took a few steps in her direction. Negan stopped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders, blocking her vision of Daryl. He inspected her carefully when he noticed the cut in her shoulder.

"I'm fine!" she reassured him, trying to get him out of the way to check if her eyes hadn't deceived her.

"You've brought Daryl…" she said softly.

Negan released his hold on her.

"That's right, I have" he said and took the bat from Beth's hands.

He turned back to Daryl and stalked over to him, raising the bat above his head.

Beth realized what he was about to do and sprinted up to them to jump in between them. Daryl had seen it coming and readied himself for another fight.

"Come on then! Give me a reason to put ya down for good!"

"Oh Lucille will _love_ shutting that dirty redneck mouth" Negan said.

Beth pushed Negan back, angrily.

"Stop it!" she shouted, and mumbled "Assholes…"

Neither men took their eyes off of each other.

"Get out of the way, Lucy" Negan ordered. Daryl narrowed his eyes a bit in confusion. Was she real? Was she in danger?

"No" she said firmly, planting her feet on the ground. "You're not gonna hurt him, and he's not gonna hurt you. I won't allow it."

Negan huffed but Beth paid him no mind. She turned around and looked straight into Daryl's eyes, distracting him from his enemy.

"He's a good guy, Daryl, don't hurt him" she begged and the sound of her voice as she said his name was enough for Daryl to lose focus altogether. Beth continued.

"He saved me from… from everything."

She looked _so real_ , sounded _so real_. Daryl looked back over to Negan, with panic in his eyes.

"What've you done to me?" he asked through his tears, sounding like a helpless little boy.

"Kept her safe, that's what I've done to you" Negan answered without sympathy.

With Beth's back to him, Negan knew that this would be the time to put the sorry bastard out of his misery.

"And I plan on keeping her safe a lot longer" he continued as he raised his bat again.

The following second, Daryl saw everything in slow motion: the barbwire coming towards him. Beth turning around to shield him. The horror in Negan's eyes.

Cowardly, Daryl closed his eyes and waited for the sound of a skull cracking. A sound he had gotten so familiar with thanks to the man in front of him.

He waited for her blood to spatter all over him. Waited for her cries of pain. Waited for Negan's reaction. But when none of it came, Daryl knew for sure that when he opened his eyes, there would be no trace of the girl that had stared deeply into his eyes just seconds ago.

He opened his eyes, prepared of the harsh truth of seeing no one but Negan, but instead he still saw her there, and she was wrestling Negan for his baseball bat.

"He's my friend!" she said.

"He's a lowlife piece of _shit_! That's what he is!" Negan shouted, unleashing all is anger.

"He's not, he's the best man I know! He has kept me safe, just like you!"

"Oh please, don't be naïve...! He just wants his dirty paws on your body. You know I'm right. There's _nothing_ even remotely good or pure about him, trust me."

A silence, a short one.

"It's not like that…"

"It is. Tell her the truth, Daryl" Negan said but didn't wait for him to respond.

Daryl watched the scene in front of him: An angel and a devil playing out the internal conflict Daryl had spent his life trying to suppress. He was sure he had lost his mind.

The devil continued before Daryl could form a response.

"Tell me" he said to her, all of his previous charm gone. "How can a good guy profit _so much_ from something so terrible? Since the apocalypse, all good people have lost so much, but his life just keeps getting better and better."

"What are you talking about?" she shouted back.

"You're to good for him, Lucy, and you know it. You wouldn't have given him another _look_ if the world hadn't gone to hell. A perfectly sweet, innocent, beautiful girl like you, with a dirty old piece of white trash like him? Nah ah. That just wouldn't fly, and I'll be damned if I let the end of the world change anything about that. No one should be profiting from this while other people have lost _everything_!"

Negan's voice broke. Beth's look softened.

"Killing Daryl won't bring your wife back."

Behind their whispered conversation, Daryl noticed the silhouette of a man against the rising sun dooming up, jogging towards them and gesturing wildly. The wind carried his words away and before Daryl could've spotted who it was, Negan's words captured his attention again.

"You shouldn't have fallen for him, Lucy. He'll only cause you pain" he said and determination set in his eyes.

The man in the distance turned out to be Rick, and as he neared them, Daryl heard the fear in his voice as he frantically shouted at him to shoot Negan, to kill him.

Rick's words caught Beth off guard. She spun around to see if Daryl was planning on complying, but he remained motionless, staring at her through his tears.

With Beth finally out of the way and his bat free to slam onto Daryl's skull, Negan grabbed his moment and raised the bat above his head.

A shot rung out.

Negan dropped to the ground, his barbwire-covered bat missing its target and only landing on Daryl's foot.

Daryl cursed. Negan gasped. Beth screamed.

She ran over to Negan as he lay on the ground, a crimson stain spreading from his chest on outwards over his crisp white t-shirt.

All the color had drained from his face. He stared at Beth with frightened eyes as she dropped down beside him, knowing there wasn't anything she could do to save him.

"You know I have good in me… I've done good" he stammered, barely audible between gasps. "Tell me it's enough to get into heaven. Tell me I get to see Lucille again…"

Beth nodded, her tears falling on his dying body. She stroked his hair, his face.

"You saved me. You'll always be my savior" she said and the corners of his mouth twisted in a small smile before he breathed his last breath.

Daryl didn't even register the pain in his foot as he watched the two people in front of him. Every thought he had over the past weeks flashed through his mind.

 _She's not real._

 _He'd been drugged._

 _She's alive._

 _He saw her die._

 _She's a hallucination._

 _He has her heart._

 _She's not real._

So he watched motionless, knowing that with every step Rick came closer, this hallucination would fade away. Dawn was breaking and once again she was going to take her away from him. At least he had seen her again.

 _I'll be seeing you_

 _In every lovely summer's day_

 _In everything that's light and gay_

 _I'll always think of you that way_

 _I'll find you in the morning sun_

 _And when the night is new_

 _I'll be looking at the moon_

 _But I'll be seeing you_

* * *

Rick's body was operating on nothing but worry as he ran up the hill, the gun in his hand still smoking. Daryl seemed shell shocked, numb as he stood and watched where Negan had fallen to the ground. At least he was still standing, Rick thought and remembered the fear he had felt when Negan had raised his bat and Daryl hadn't moved a muscle.

As he came closer, he noticed someone hunched over Negan's body, plunging her knife almost lovingly into his temple.

A blond girl.

"Beth?!" Rick called out, and felt his body fill up with joy as tears filled up his eyes. It was unmistakably her!

Daryl gasped loudly.

"You see her too?" he cried so softly Rick couldn't have heard him.

But Beth had and she stood up.

In the background, Rick laughed and cried as Daryl drew in a shaky breath and looked straight at Beth.

"She's real?" he asked, not daring to direct his questions at her, but not speaking loud enough for anyone else to hear them.

Beth cried as well and laughed through her tears.

"I'm real."

Daryl sobbed loudly and they ran in each other's arms.

* * *

Rick had only taken a second to check if Negan really wouldn't cause any more surprises before he ran over to the pair that held each other so closely it was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began. Laughing, he wrapped his arms around both of them and they laughed and cried until they couldn't stand anymore.

Eventually, Rick spoke up.

"We should go" he said.

The other two released each other with obvious difficulty, but did so nonetheless. Rick figured there was nothing else to do than to start walking back to his car, but Beth lingered a bit behind, glancing over at the body of the man that had been her friend and their enemy.

Daryl noticed it. He crouched down and picked up the body of the man that had made his life a living hell. Without saying anything, he threw him over his shoulder and pushing through the pain of his injured foot, he walked back with them to where Rick had parked his car.

* * *

On their way back, they stopped at the Kingdom and told Ezekiel what had happened. Told him it was over.

No more fighting, no more war. No more death.

Rick told him the miracle of Beth's return and Ezekiel saw it as a sign that life had returned to the area. They were free to go and he would find a suitable spot where Negan's body would be buried in a civilized way.

Without further ado, the trio drove back to Alexandria. Rick behind the wheel, Beth and Daryl in the backseat, a soft tune playing on the radio.

And so, after what seemed like ages of nothing but misery and sorrow, happiness finally returned to the people living in the Alexandria Safe Zone.

 _I'll find you in the morning sun_

 _And when the night is new_

 _I'll be looking at the moon_

 _But I'll be seeing you_

* * *

 **A/N: _Throughout this chapter, I've quoted parts of the lyrics to I'll Be Seeing you (not mine obviously). Personally, I really like Billie Holiday's version and I would recommend listening to it some time._**


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

They had been perfectly content, none of them feeling the need to talk.

But as they neared Alexandria's gates, Beth started to feel nervous. She hadn't dared to ask what the man she had considered her friend had done to the group, but it had to have been absolutely horrifying.

She bit her nails and felt the blush rise in her cheeks. Would they welcome her even after finding out she had been friends with Negan?

Rick looked at her in his rear view mirror.

"Don't worry" he said. "No one will blame you for befriending Negan. You couldn't have known who he really was."

She knew his words were meant to sound comforting, but they stung as well.

 _Silly little Beth, foolish enough to even believe the devil himself when he told her he was one of the good guys._

But also, Negan _had_ been good, and kind, and helpful to her. It felt wrong to her to deny that fact. Instinctively, she looked at the old watch around her wrist and she fought to keep the tears away.

Daryl watched her with curious, mindful eyes and when she looked in them, she saw that he knew whose watch it had been. But instead of judgment, she saw understanding and the hand that was resting on the seat between them moved a little in her direction. She sighed and looked straight ahead as the gates were opening up, her own hand creeping just close enough that their fingers touched.

* * *

Maggie was sitting on her front porch, trying to relax in the early morning sunshine. She had to try to keep her stress levels low for the sake of the little baby inside her, but it proved to be almost impossible knowing of the war that was going on outside and the rest of the group returning a few hours ago without Rick or Daryl. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the quiet while the rays of sunshine were warm on her skin.

The silence was broken by the sound of the gate opening and a car driving inside. Maggie opened her eyes and took a few hesitant steps from the porch to the gate. She prayed that her friends had returned but dreaded the inevitability of bad news all the same.

The door on the driver's side opened and Rick stepped out, a huge smile on his face and tears of joy in his eyes. His eyes caught hers and for the first time, Maggie actually dared to hope that their mission had been successful.

Rick opened one of the rear doors and helped Daryl get out of the car. Daryl seemed to be limping and Maggie hoped that his injury wasn't too bad, though all in all it was a miracle in itself that he had returned without further damage, considering the state in which he had been before he left.

Maggie started walking towards the two men, figuring Daryl might need some more support to get inside the house, but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a third passenger get out of the car and put her arms around Daryl to support him.

Upon seeing those blond locks, Maggie increased her pace.

"Who's that?" she asked no one in particular. "Who's that with Daryl?"

She had started jogging now, desperate to get a closer look as she couldn't believe her eyes.

Then the girl looked up and their eyes met. Daryl dropped his arm from her shoulder and Beth ran towards Maggie.

With a loud cry, they fell in each other's arms.

Their sounds drew the attention of the other residents and the neighborhood began to wake up. One by one, people came spilling from the houses to see that Beth was alive and well.

With her little sister wrapped safely in her arms, Maggie took a moment to look over at the man that had nearly lost his mind and his life in his efforts to get her back to them.

"Thank you" she mouthed and Daryl looked at his feet in characteristic shyness.

Before they all went inside, Rick squeezed Daryl's shoulder were he had placed his hand to support him and they shared a look.

Daryl had been right all along and he had done more for the community than anyone could have ever hoped. While he hadn't been responsible for any of the deaths in the past year, he had been responsible for this. He had brought one of their own back from the dead.

Laughter, cries of joy and sighs of relief were all that sounded within the walls of the Alexandria Safe Zone that day. At least for that day, they were safe, they were happy and things were looking up…

THE END.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews are very much appreciated!**


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